I had a cold all last week, but it was not bad enough for me to miss work or slow down really, which, what is the point of getting a cold then even. I am feeling better now and I am thinking that I need a few hours based solely in the IDGAF area of my brain. I declared that to my friends in a text earlier today only I said that I needed some IDAF time which made me think the time was already upon me because IDGAF so hard that IDGAF about including all the letters in IDGAF.

So, before I get on with my IDGAFness, let’s have a little check in about this here blogtimes. There have been lots of times where I have thought to myself BLOG, HAH, WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR, ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN, SAY IT AGAIN! I have written posts before about how the ritual of writing my dumb little posts helps me work on things like being less self-conscious about my writing and by extension, myself. I don’t think before my posts, I just write and click publish and there is something that I gain from that practice, like letting go of control, and the idea of being polished, and the idea that people will think I am vapid and silly. And you know what? It works. IDGAF if people think I am vapid and silly. Thanks, bloggie! I am pretty much good on that score.

What else does my blog do for me? Well, in recent years, and forgive me for maybe being a little dramatic, it helps me to connect with joy, if I am being perfectly honest. IRL, I am, at my core, a joyful person. I count that as one of my main strengths in life, if not the main one. Around that core, though, I am a person engaged in many things (as we all are, I suppose) that can pull me away from that core. And so, as I have adulted, I have gathered up practices that keep that joy-fire burning. I shall spare you all the ways, but blogging has become one of those practices. There are so many times when I have no idea what to say when some shiznit is going on in my day that makes it feel like OH LAWD I AM SRSLY GOING TO BLOG MY NONSENSES RN? But I open the blog, and I do it, and like a muscle, it connects me back to my unselfconscious self. I believe that the things I want present in my life: hope, joy, love, happen because I practice. It is the dancer mindset in me, I think. You have to do your goddamn tendus every effing day no matter what and you do them until your mind and body can’t not do them every day. For me, so it goes with joy. Practice, practice, practice.

So, lately, I have not much felt like blogging. Things feel so serious now, and they are. But just like I wrote in my last post, where I karaoke’d, and I saw some dance, and I cried at the movies, we gotta keep that practice of joyfulness going, even when things feel dark. Especially when things feel dark.

This blog post is mostly a pep talk for me, can you tell?

Anyway, I’m going to keep blogging my nonsenses here, is all I am saying. I don’t know if the tone will strike you as glib in non-glib times. That’s not what this is about though. It’s about remembering this part of myself, and not letting that go. To me, that feels like a radical act. Not going to become joyless. IDGAF.

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