I took off, hoser

When I get frazzled, I get clumsy. Not romantic comedy heroine clumsy, which is the kind that would make Colin Firth and Hugh Grant want to fight over me. My clumsy doesn’t have pheremonal powers. Late last week I knew I needed to SLOW DOWN because I was running out the door for work when I realized that my nail polish was looking haggard. Because I was going to have to stand up in front of a room full of people talking my blah blahs that day, I decided to give my nails a quick cleanup before leaving the house, from which I was already late leaving. This brilliant decision-making ended up in a situation where I spilled AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF NAIL POLISH REMOVER ONTO MY LESS THAN SIX MONTH OLD COUCH. I just bought that couch, you guys. It cost me a lot of cheddar.

This was the last straw of clumsiness for my week. I needed a break. So I packed up my dude and drove to Canadia, Northern America, Maple Syrup HQ, Prime Ministered by J-Tru, Who Seems to Give All My Friends the Urge to Knock da Boots. Vancouver: the San Diego of Canada, as I have decided to call it. I didn’t even upgrade my phone service so I didn’t have no internets whilst there. To me, this is basically camping.

We arrived in record time, we ate a lot of delicious foods, we walked for miles, and we holed up in a fancy hotel room. DID YOU GUYS KNOW THERE IS A WORLD WHERE YOU DO NOT WORK FOR SEVERAL DAYS AT A TIME. NO, REALLY. TIS TROOF.

This episode taught me several life lessons.

  1. If you have a kingdom where you get to name your currency, do something fun and twee like Canada, where the one dollar piece is called a Loonie, and a two dollar piece is called a Toonie.
  2. Maybe don’t spend all your Loonies and Toonies on couches when you have dangerous acetone-related nail vanity.

Two things, that’s all I got. Or should I say Toonie things? Is that too much? Or should I say is that TOONIE MUCH?

Clearly I need to stop now.

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