Consumables #151 Watching In the Heart of the Sea

I had to go to a meeting today and when I got there I was already almost late and there was no parking anywhere. So I parked in a questionable spot and went to my meeting and when I came out? A ticket on my windshield asking me for FIFTY GEORGIE WARSHINGTONS. And I couldn’t even be mad because I knew I was being shady.

I watched a movie all about bad decision-making the other night called In the Heart of the Sea. In it, Chris Thorsworth plays a dude who decides to go hunting for whales so as to use their oil. I only know Chris as Thor and when he is Thor he has a very Thor voice. I guess you could say he has a Thor Throat (LOOK MA, ARE YOU PROUD OF THAT ONE?). In this movie, he is not a super hero but he still has that voice, just booming out everywhere. Do you think he booms it out like that just when he is ordering his latte in the morning or whatever?

Anyway, he goes off to sea. The heart of the sea, of course. Although it seemed more like the ass of the sea. There was nothing but storms everywhere they went. And then whenever whales showed up, Thor and his buds had to just stand there on the side of the boat and wait for them to swim by and throw harpoons at them by hand and hope for the best. I do not know how, in this day and age, we are supposed to feel sorry for whale harpooners or root for them in any way, but there you have it. There is one whale who is a total Kujo whale and busts all of Thor’s shit up one side and down the other.

To sum up, Thor got jacked up and I got squeezed for fifty monies, both victims of bad decisions.


  1. I have so far abstained from seeing this film spectacle. The Coffins of Nantucket were my forbears (– well, obviously not the one that got eaten by his shipmates). Philbrick’s book was excellent, and very satisfying in a horrible way (if you like maritime train wrecks [as it were, &c.]), and I felt a knot of curmudgeonosity building in my gut when I learned it was becoming the basis for a Hollywood outing. No commentator that I respect, you included, has yet made me reconsider my stance. I loved the movie Thor.

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