December Dispatch

Too many things happening at lightning speeds, ahhhhhhhh! Why is time going so fast? Where can I get one of those Hermione Time-Turner things? Or a flux capacitor? Or sign me up for the “slingshot maneuver” that Spock uses to go back to talk to the whales in the 80s! GIVE IT TO ME. I will gladly gab up some whales if I can slingshot myself some time back. I mean, for realllllll.

Here’s some stuff that has happened. Ready? Ok!

I got a promotion at work. I am a MODERN CAREER WOMAN OF THE 90s! Should I start wearing power suits?

Thanksgiving happened We ate a lot, went to the movies a lot, slept a lot. Like, we thanksgiving’d the SHIT out of it.

We broke our couch! WHO BREAKS A COUCH? Have you ever heard of that? We are pioneers in couch-breaking, I guess. So we ordered a new one and it is coming on Friday. Since we no longer have our old one, we have a set up in our living room where we just have two chairs side by side and we watch our tv as though we are Bartles and James sitting on a porch together.

It is dark here, 24 hours a day. I mean, technically the sun does rise and set, but it is straight up White Nights in reverse in terms of feeling. This version of the Baryshnikov, Hines, and Rossellini movie has non-stop rain and wind, a lot of hot beverages, and loud whines about the weather. No pirouettes.

Speaking of pirouettes, I lifted my moratorium on seeing the local Nutcracker production (WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY MORATORIUMS ARE WEIRD) because I didn’t like it and I can be the Frasier Crane Snoot Snoot of ballet. I lifted the moratorium because they re-did their production from top to bottom. I thought FINALLY THEY WILL FIX ALL THE PROBLEMS I HAD WITH IT, NILES! But they didn’t! It had all the same problems! Doh! People, it was your big chance to fix, whyyyyyy. I know that my city can do better than this. Their other productions are so good!  This must be how the sportsball people feel when they have a great team that cheeses up the playoff series home final bowl match?

That’s what’s up. Oh, hi, mid-December!






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