Unrequited Rolo

I have a co-worker who has a giant candy bowl in her office and she keeps everyone on her floor sugar soused for most of the day. I, luckily, do not work on her floor, but I do pop in 3-4 times a week to get my Rolo on. Yesterday, I walked in there and there was ONE CANDY LEFT in the bowl. I took it because I had had an epic, unprecedented case of dumbday that morning and I needed that damn Rolo. I mean, I needed it BAD. I walked out the door with it, unwrapped it, and dropped it on the floor and it Rolo’d its sweet self across the room, away from my gaping maw. MY ROLO WAS LIKE NO-LO.

That story is so the metaphor for my week. It is only Wednesday, though. I feel like I can turn things around. NEVER SURRENDER.

My dude has been on a business trip since Monday, and I would like the record to show that him being gone that long is total crap, and that I object on the grounds of absentia flagrante malfeasance, and that this objection is sustained, and also that I hereby rule in favor of his trip being annulled. [gavel knock] Adjourned.

I see that face you are making at me and I hold you in contempt. Damages: one Rolo that has never been contiguous to any flooring surface, to be paid to me in full via candy dish.

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