I just flew back in from Michigan (hi December in Seattle! I love you and your 55 degree weather smooch smooch smoooooch) and I’m feeling totally out of it. There is something about being away from my regular life that is really lovely, but also I get super disoriented when I get back, like I can’t believe that my life here still exists. Is everyone still here? Do my friends still remember me? My job is still there, right? It’s sort of like that episode of Star Trek TNG where Ro (who I like to call Ensign Headband because):
Anyway, she and Geordi don’t reappear from the transporter and no one can see them and they walk around waving at people’s faces going “hello?? Can you see me?? We’re RIGHT HERE!” Well, Geordi does that a little more than Ro because Ro almost immediately thinks they are dead, because she is the closest thing TNG had to a goth. This feeling I have probably illustrates some sort of deep seated fear that if I am out of sight I am out of mind and no one really and truly would miss me if I disappeared, which when I really and truly think about it: MAJOR BUMMER REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIR.
My trip was fast and packed to the gills with errands and chores that my mom needed doing, which is a good thing for me when I am in my hometown because there’s something so different for me now when I go there. My whole life I have loved that place like it was a part of me or my family, which I kind of think it is, and going back always felt like a piece of me was getting re-plugged into my soul socket. (Wow, I went a little Jonathan Livingston Seagull there, didn’t I). But now that my dad is gone, I get a very different feeling from being there, and I would not call it re-energizing. I used to look forward to these trips, and now I actually dread it. So keeping busy while there is key, which I did, and that’s about the best I can do. Sorry, soul socket.
On the up side, I got to spend some quality time with my cousin R who is by far one of my fave ladies ever, I got to help my mom with a bunch of stuff, and I got to bring my mom back to Seattle with me for the holidays. All worth it. Now, on to see if my life still exists. ANYONE THERE? ANYONE?