Yesterday and today have been dumb days. Not bad days. Just a lot of dumb stuff going on in large quantities. Spilling shit all over myself. Forgetting things. Losing things. Making mistakes at work. A storm of stupid is rolling through these parts and I do not seem to have a shelter handy, so I am just putting my face up and rolling all around in it. Picture that scene in Shawshank Redemption where Andy Dufresne stands out in the rain with his arms raised up, getting soaked. Only instead of Andy, it’s me. And instead of rain, it’s dum-dum stuff.
During my lunch break today, I called Fixy and went down my long list of work-related blunders: we may as well call it the Lamentation of the Ding-Dong. And you know what he said to me when I was done? He told me that not one thing I had said was a thing that anybody cares about. Except he managed to say it kinder than that, somehow. And it made me feel so. much. better. Perhaps a message of “nothing you did today matters a whit when you really think about it” may SOUND awful, but really, it’s quite lovely. It’s not that my work isn’t important- I believe it is. But taken as a whole, or at least in big pieces, is what makes it so. Not the odd task here or there that gets screwed up.
Maybe “Nobody cares” isn’t exactly a Coach Taylor locker room talk, but it worked for me.
Let’s have a song.