The Barber Always Cuts Twice

Remember how I made you suffer through my tale of woe the last time I got a haircut and it was a bad one? Remember how I promised that I would not talk about my hair for a long time? Did you believe me? GUESS WHAT. That shit happened to me AGAIN. Even worse this time! MOTHERFLIPPER. Haircutters of America! Why you hate me like this?

I should have known something was up. Ms. Choppy told me, as she was washing my hair, that she liked the movie “Her” because she felt like it had interesting things to say about people and their relationship to technology. Then she paused and said: “Well, at least it speaks to people MY AGE.” So, she and her scissors clearly saw me as older than dirt. This was a clear sign that I was getting an old lady haircut and I guess I am lucky to have escaped before she gave me a full Szbornak.

So, once again I am feeling frumpy, and also annoyed that I am so annoyed. THE UNIVERSE IS TRYING TO TEACH ME TO BE HUMBLE. Joke’s on you, universe. I am far more vain than a few old lady haircuts will cure.

In other crankypants news, I would like to implore the restaurants of the city to please learn how to make a decent cup of tea. All that preciousness about coffee and you can’t teatime halfway proper? It’s disgraceful, really.

Crikey, people. I think my haircut is taking over my brain.

Grandma out.

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