Consumables #84

It’s still technically Oscar week, so let’s talk about some movies I have seen lately, shall we, my lovelies?

 Enough Said
God DANG it that Julia Louis-Dreyfuss is charming. And James Gandolfini is too, all schlumpy and romantic. This is one of those movies where I didn’t really care about the story, or the setting, or the themes, but I just found the people interesting to watch, especially that Elaine Benis. Plus! Bonus Tavi Gevinson as lonely teen. Other bonus! Eve Spawn-of-Bono Hewson as Gandolfini’s kid. This type of movie seems like the future of mainstream romcoms. At least I want that to be true.


Captain Phillips

Whenever I see a movie that is set on the ocean all I can think is what a fer-reaking pain in the ass filming must have been. All those boat shots, having to reset for takes? UGH. When I am a famous filmmaker I shall not be making ocean movies. Unless maybe if I do a remake of Waterworld. There are some things that are just worth it. This was fine as movies go, and I liked that even though Phillips is obviously the hero, he is clearly terrified the entire time, and so are the pirates too, even through their swagger. None of this “get off my plane” Harrison Ford ridiculousness.


All is Lost

Ok, first of all, Robert Redford is what? 200 years old? This was such a physically demanding role and he was kicking the shit out of it. I mean, go to TOWN, Bobert! I was impressed. I really liked this movie a lot a lot a lot. It had that sort of rhythm that Gravity has where shit goes wrong and he has to fix it and then another thing goes wrong and he has to fix that and so on, and apparently I like movies where things break and need to be fixed. I believe Nordic Boy has rubbed off on me or something. I found this one to be much lonelier than Gravity, and more despairing, and it didn’t have the dumb script problems that Gravity had. Redford isn’t narrating himself the whole time (sorry, Sandy, I still love you) which was so much better. And I liked that plot background was left out completely. Good one, Hubbell.


Blue Jasmine

If it wasn’t for Galadriel (I know her name is Cate Blanchett but she’s always Galadriel to me) I would not have had any time for this movie. If I want to see rich people being awful, I shall watch Real Housewives. Also? Woody Allen needs to stop trying to write working class people. But Cate! You so compelling.


August: Osage County

Ok, on the one hand, I am happy that we are at a place in history where women characters can be anti-heroes. I am also happy that this movie is chock full of lady folk. HOWEVER. The number of hysterical, shouty ladies in this movie is TOO MANY. It was sort of ridiculous to me. So, August: Yellage County: an eye roller.


12 Years a Slave

This has nothing to do with the movie itself but I have to tell you it irks me when people say that they won’t watch this because it’s too hard. Having to spend a few minutes of your life honoring the lives of people who have suffered by listening to their stories is something I am pretty sure you can do from the comfort of your couch. If you don’t want to because of some other reason, ok. But that reason? I am judging you, just a little bit. I thought this was just an amazing, amazing movie.



Nordic Boy seemed 100% sure that when he is old he is going to be just like Bruce Dern in this movie, which, to tell you the truth, I can kind of see that. Those Midwest scenic shots- well, you know how much of a sucker I am for that stuff. I really love it when there are movies about elderly people that don’t infantilize them, and there are lots here. Also Will Forte! Who knew he had such a melancholy, expressive side? Loved it.


The Bling Ring

I know Sofia Coppola tends to make mood movies- high on ambience, music, and a feeling and short on plot, but this one takes the cake. Kind of nothing happens. The premise of the movie is that a bunch of LA teens who are obsessed with celebrity culture start robbing celebrity homes. And…there’s no more. Nothing else happens. I am ok with this sort of movie making but I can see how that would drive some people crazy. I would actually argue that the repetitious nature of the movie reflects the moral malaise of the characters. I JUST SAID MORAL MALAISE LIKE AN ASSHOLE, MY FRIENDS. Maybe I just liked it because my beloved Hermione is in it. One more thing: I could NOT believe how many celebrities had no security at their homes and were straight up leaving their doors unlocked. That is the kind of thing where, if this wasn’t based on actual events, I would be like NOT CREDIBLE. But apparently, stars don’t know how to lock their doors. So weird.


Catch yous laters, friends. Have a loverly weekend! Let’s dance.

John Newman, Love Me Again

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