Consumables #82

So, I got a haircut that I hate, you guys. I think it is totally fixable, so do I just go to a new person and tell them to fix it? Or do I go back to the person who messed my shit up and tell her that I need her to do it again? Do people do that? What is the equivalent of sending back the dish to the chef here? Tell me what to do.

This week we literally broke some ground in order to get ready for figuring out how to make our yard look better, which is on our list of house projects for 2014. Our house used to have oil heating, and we have since converted to gas, and since our upcoming yard project will require lots of digging, regrading, tilling, and all around general dirt-moving, we decided to get our old oil tank removed rather than just decommissioning it. So this week, that happened. I left Nordic Boy in charge of taking pictures of the process but, although he is awesome in many ways, that guy suuuuuuucks at documenting stuff. He forgets, or if he remembers, he takes a hasty snap that doesn’t really show much. He is way more into the doing than the memorializing, which when I step back and look at it is way healthier just in terms of living life, but I WANT PHOTOS. Anyway. There are no photos of this to share, which you are probably thinking “fine by me because basically it would be a photo of a hole in the dirt” which YES, but the oil tank was actually kind of interesting looking. It looked like a baby submarine from the 50s. OMG WHAT IF IT WAS A BABY SUBMARINE FROM THE 50s? A crew of babies that look like Don Draper, swilling martinis and cruising around underground?

I like to give myself things to have nightmares about.

I feel like I haven’t talked the pop cultures in a while. So many things. Let’s just pick a few.

World War Z
I think I may be getting over saturated with zombies (which is exactly how zombies kill you! In a swarm! Only mine is a metaphoric swarm. So meta). Basically there are two things about zombie type movies that need to be there for me: one, the zombies have to be scary, or at least creepy. Two, the sense of what people do when society breaks down has to be interesting. I thought this movie started out really strong- there is a visceral panic that gets going pretty quickly right from the start. But the zombies never got scary, and after the first bit of the movie I wasn’t getting much in the way of societal breakdown either. And the ending was pretty flaccid. (Is there a more gross word than flaccid? Sorry about that). But, it was fine.

Whore’s Glory
I can’t say that I enjoy watching a depressing documentary, but I want to know about these things that have happened, are happening. I am not a person who would rather not know. I think it’s important to know. This one follows prostitutes in three different parts of the world: Thailand, India, and Mexico. It is unflinching to say the least. There isn’t much here in the way of showing agency for the women and girls involved, and maybe the argument being made is that there isn’t any. The vignettes focus on the day to day workings and do not touch on the larger societal issues or the problem of sex tourism or global trafficking or anything like that. It’s just these women going through their day.

Comedians of Comedy: The Movie
This is a road movie that follows Patton Oswalt, Maria Bamford, Zach Galifinakis and others on a comedy tour in the mid-2000s. Every one of those people is exactly as you would imagine them to be behind the scenes. Just, exactly.

Aziz Ansari: Buried Alive
The best part of this comedy special is when Aziz does a back and forth with a couple in the audience about how they got engaged. I love it when performers can talk to an audience member and it comes off as authentic and funny.

Ultimate comfort movie, dudes. I know that Ingrid Bergman is a little annoying sometimes (“You’ll have to do the thinking for BOTH OF US…”) and the Sam stuff makes me a little squirmy, but Humphrey Bogart is such a badass, I love it. I love how contradictory he is. So world-weary all the time, and yet somehow he still manages to be suave. I mean, he looks wrung OUT. Also, he is a scrawny fellow when you really look at him, but who seems tougher than that guy? I just find him so unexpected. Love.

IS BACK. Holy smokes that show is risickulous. There really is no excuse for it. And I am watching it. And you guys, when Jake said “I play second fiddle to no one,” weren’t we all thinking GO NOEL! LESSONS LEARNED FROM FELICITY! Just me? Oh.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I really want this show to be better, and I think it might get there. I remember not thinking Parks and Rec was that great in the beginning too. Sometimes shows need to find their footing and that takes a minute. Three things I love: deadpan Andre Braugher, goofy Joe Lo Truglio, and weirdo Chelsea Peretti. The thing that is bringing me down the most is Andy Samberg’s character. I think it’s possible to do cocky and funny (see: Joel McHale in Community), but that is not coming together yet.

I am a little behind on this one, but I just have to say that I am so glad that Sarah Silverman showed up on this show because it was getting a bit much with all the crazy ladies. I mean, since Pamela left has there been a non-hysterical weirdo lady on there at all? Sarah Silverman just seems cool, funny, and not a nutcase. Is that too much to ask, Louie? I love you, but come on now.

I gots to go, peoples. I shall do the book items next time. Before I go, one last pop culture item. Did you guys see the Gap ads featuring Waris Ahluwalia? Can I just say that, if you would have told me when I was a kid that someone like that would be on a Gap ad, it would have blown my freaking mind. It makes me glad to see it, but it makes 13-year-old me so happy. I know, it’s Gap, who cares. But still, representation matters.

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