Consumables #58

I have so little to say this week, you guys. It’s sad. My head is full of work stuff, and work stuff only, and if I talked about it I would get dooced for sure and bore the piss out of you as a freebie bonus.

Instead, let’s talk about some consumable items.

After I watched The Green Lantern there was a part of me that didn’t want to touch this with a 10-foot-stripper-pole (wow, that’s a tall stripper, har har), but this was way better than that. Way, way better. I know that’s not saying much, because this was not cinematic genius or anything either, but a cloud of fiery boredom did not engulf me when I watched it. I credit Kenneth Branagh for this. Ringing endorsement, wut wut!

Cave of Forgotten Dreams
Super old cave paintings for two hours! It’s more fascinating than it sounds though. However I must say this. Herzog (who totally needs my advice and is also totally reading this, obvs), please stop narrating your own movies. I am not even hating on the accent, believe me. It’s the delivery. Not good, man. Not good. Other than that, though, thumbs up. I could have used a lot more interviews of the people who worked with the cave paintings and less Herzog drone that’s all.

The Garden
A community run urban farm rises up out of Los Angeles. Heartwarming! And then a politician, a corrupt activist, and a land owner try to rip that shit up and shut it down. Heartbreaking! You know how there’s this idea that one person can make a difference? Like Don Cheadle in Hotel Rwanda. Or Oskar Schindler in Schindler’s List. Well, here’s a documentary about how one or two people being total jerkfaces can fuck up tons of people.

Ready for me to say something completely pukeworthy? Ready? I totally agree with the review that this movie got in The New Yorker.

Before you find me too pretentious, I have been watching season one of Felicity. The 90s fashion is killing me, people. Killing me. Why was everyone wearing gigantic cloth sacks in the 90s? Were you wearing sacks then? I wasn’t. Some of Felicity’s sweaters are a heartbeat away from a Gandalf robe, I am not even kidding. Also, it’s kind of a rip off of My So-Called Life, at least so far. Speaking of My So-Called Life, how could the Felicity writers do that to Brian Crackow? That’s just not natural. And how come every show set in NYC has these people who live in gigantic apartments? Felicity’s dorm room is the size of half my house! I think this show speaks to people who were dumb in a very particular way in college. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I was dumb in college. Just my brand of dumb was very different than that brand.

Welcome to the Goon Squad, by Jennifer Egan
I liked the short story feel and all the ties between everything- I loved connecting all the threads together. I also like books with recurring metaphors that make me wonder. Like, all the fish imagery. I thought a lot about the fish imagery. And what can I say, I like books about messed up lonely people, and this one had scads of them.

Project Runway All Stars
When Mondo cried this week, I totally cried too. This is a doctor-approved way to tell if one is over-tired.

Maurice Sendak/Colbert
Serious chocolate and peanut butter moment, putting these two together. Just watch it here: part one and part two. Both worth it.

Have a good weekend, peoples! I shall be hibernating until Monday.


  1. I am so disappointed in Cave; this movie has been staring at me from my queu for too long and now I know I'll have to listen to Herzog's droning. Sad times.Also, TOTALLY agree with you about Felicity. My younger sister loved that show, but I loved Angela Chase and never could find Felicity charming.

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