My life lately! Ahem.
1. I have a seriously elderly laptop. It was bought in 2004, which means that it really should be in some sort of hospice care right about now. The battery drops out of it completely if I carry it anywhere, which thankfully I don’t have to do because it won’t work on its own battery power anymore. It has to stay plugged in and even then it groans at me when I use it, which I try not to do, ever. Nordic Boy’s iPad laughs at it, I am pretty sure. Rude ass bastard. I also have an old iPhone. (And SWEET JESUS can this post be any more bourgie hipster? I don’t think so). Sometimes the ipod on it just refuses to play. The other day I was syncing the two, and they talked to each other, rebelled, and bam! All of my music disappeared from my phone, and then the sync was over, never to return. The two are On a Break from each other, which I fear is the precursor to We Are Broken, which will lead to me having no music and that means I will have a Psychic Break. I need new compooter stuff, you guys. But, to quote Nelly Furtado, I’m like a bird. Cheap. No retiring for you, gadgets! You will work until you DIE. If this were the Twilight Zone, I am pretty sure the next thing that would happen is that they would come to life and kill me somehow.
2. I went to my first ever baseball game last weekend. I am not anti-sports by any means but somehow they have just not played a huge role in my life. These are the things that fascinated me about my first ever baseball game. The knickers. It was “Turn Back the Clock” night and so the players wore their old school knickers. I think they need to bring those back on the regular. Who is carrying the knickers torch in 2011? No one! I think it’s up to the baseball dudes. Also, any baseball fan that ever complained to me about soccer being “too boring” needs to re-evaluate that statement. You are allowed to love baseball and not love soccer at the same time, but the too boring criteria is no longer acceptable to me. Third, I enjoyed the game, but I think that baseball needs more bling. It’s basically just the game, and a 7th inning stretch song in terms of entertainment value. I vote for dancers or cheerleaders, and some sort of mid-game show. Fourth, the stadium food I ate was straight up FOUL. I am not a choosy eater and will eat what I am given most often, but I couldn’t eat that shit, people. They put fuckall in that food and charged me three million dollars for it! The nerve. My favorite things about baseball: being outside on a beautiful night with my friends. Also, they played a Michael Jackson song and put a 10-year-old kid on the jumbotron who was rocking the MJ dancing hardcore. This is what I need: sun, friends, and MichaelJackstyle.
3. Sun! It has been so sunny and nice I have wanted to make out with everyone. Be afraid.
4. I went to a 4th of July party where my one friend S (S stands for smartypants) had the rest of us play this game that was full of strategery. I don’t want to insult my friends who are also smart, but we SUCKED at this game. So hard that I think S pretty much thought that we had all suffered a simultaneous brain injury. I made a delightful statement at the beginning of this whole episode when the rules were being explained. I shouted out in horror: “OH NO. Is this a THINKING GAME?” My parents would be so proud.
5. Walked to fireworks with my friends. I am not usually a fan of crowds, but the 4th of July is an exception. I love that my whole city spills out of their houses and packs the streets and looks up in the sky together. There’s something poetic about it.
6. After the friendcut heartbreak of 2011 (which was closely followed by some other dysfunctional nonsense on top of it all, so double-whammy on the feeling blue), I felt like this week the universe was trying to tell me that I was still loved. That is, if I believed that the universe really has time to focus on making me feel better, which I don’t. But it felt like that was what was happening, so I soaked it in. Along with the sun, which I believe I mentioned makes me so happy that I want to make out with all. Pucker up.