Kathie Me Gifford

I admit it everyone. Me, the person who has always been so smug about being balanced and leaving work at work and all like that? 2011 has made that shite go ALL TO POT. I am not necessarily working more hours, but I have become one of those people who think about work when not at work pretty much all the time, including while sleeping. That’ll teach me to be smug. It’s like, remember when Kathie Lee Gifford was all “my family is so perfect, my husband is a bastion of husbandly Christianity” and then his nasty business with his mistress popped up out of nowhere? Well, I am Kathie Lee Gifford, and living a balanced life is Frank, and work is Frank’s mistress rearing her peroxided head.

How’s that for a metaphor? (Applause).

This means that I don’t have anything to blog about. And whenever I don’t have anything to blog about (and can I just say that I am not entirely comfortable with using the word blog in this manner. “Anything to blog about”? Blog about? Ugh, it sounds ree-dick), it is a sure sign that some shit has to change around here, because this blog is where I write down my happy stuff for the most part. And if I don’t have anything happy, funny, stupid, silly to say, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE.

So, note to self. Stop doing that.


One thing that I did do lately is attend a large scale sporting event. I have not done that since…sheesh, I don’t even know when. I used to go to Detroit Pistons games when I was in high school. But since then, I have been on a long hiatus from arenas with cheering fans and points being scored. But this weekend, we went to see some roller derby. I know that that doesn’t seem like a major sporting event to most anyone who attends major sporting events, but it was in Key Arena, and that place was sold out. And people screamed and drank beer and there was a jumbotron and the whole thing, and so roller derby does too count. And as much as I want to roll my eyes at roller derby purely based on the fact that Drew Barrymore wants us to care about it, you know what? It kicked major hineycakes. I loved it. As did Nordic Boy, who has more of an aversion to sporting events than I do. I highly recommend going.


I have been riding the bus a lot lately, and does anyone in Seattle agree that the bus seats are made out of some sort of ultra slippery material? Is it just me? When I sit on the bus, and the bus accelerates and deaccelerates, my ass is sliding around almost to the point of falling on the floor. Not to mention that this causes me, when a turn is being made, to slide my caboose right into the person sitting next to me. It’s mortifying. Everyone else seems to be able to keep their ass in line. Can someone enlighten me on this? What is my gol dang problem? Do I need to buy those stickers that old people put on the floor of their shower and sew them to my butt?


I can’t stop watching the Bachelor, you guys. I feel disgusting.


I spent the better part of President’s Day at Macy’s, as our forefathers intended. In honor of our Presidents, I celebrated by accidentally walking in on an older Russian lady who was in a fitting room that a salesperson had put my stuff in for me. I walked in and there she was, almost starkers. I am sure that is exactly what Millard Fillmore would have wanted in honor of his day.


I can’t think about Millard Fillmore without thinking about Millard Fillmore High School, the setting for that grand tv show of the 80s, Head of the Class. Not that I think about Millard Fillmore a lot. But when I do, it’s always in conjunction with Arvid and Simone and the rest. Listen, you have your history and I have mine.

Happy Tuesday-that-feels-like-a-Monday!


  1. I thought I was the only one who can't stay still on a slickery bus seat! I used to look around the #66 and wonder why teensy tiny little ladies didn't slide at all, but this not-small person could not stay in my own space. Of course, it's Seattle, so I had to play it cool while secretly bracing myself for every turn and bump.

  2. So, I already loved you and your blog (even though I don't technically "know" you, per se, which makes me kind of a creeper I guess), but the fact that you went to a roller derby match and blogged about it just put you over the top. I LOVE me some roller derby. Excellent stuff and one of the only sporting events I'll willfully go to. Those chicks are bad ass. 🙂

  3. The bus seat thing…you are not alone, as has already been noted. If you have the window seat and your legs can reach, there's a metal brace angling up from the floor to the underside of the seat in front of you. I brace my "window-side" foot against that, which immobilizes my arse. Try that, see how it goes. I love your interpretation of the founding fathers' intentions, which should end all the bickering about it.

  4. We had the exact same bus problem when we visited San Francisco! Sliding around all over the place. Perhaps your buses need to take a lesson from our buses and get some plush seating? It's so much better for the chewed up gum to stick to…which is of course another way of not slipping around…eeew grim 😦

  5. my fifteenth birthday party was at a roller derby match. rat city roller girls foreverrrrr. i still have stickers and temporary tattoos of theirs around my house.

  6. #1. Totally agree about bus seats. The worst route for me is the #5 to downtown. There is a downhill slope, which is quite dangerous in seat slidey land. #2. I LOVE DERBY! I managed to get tix to that bout, but my friends at another ticket window were shut down! I sold my tix and went out to dinner instead. I'll be advance ordering next time!#3. My word verification is "flexpo," which sounds kind of gross.

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