Consumables #37

This weekend, I did something I haven’t done for so long. I stayed my ass home. And didn’t have anyone over either. Nothing social, no grocery shopping, no running out for this or that. Just full, unadulterated sequestering of myself. I gotta tell you, it didn’t suck.

Oh wait. I went out to see a dance show on Sunday night. Ok, almost sequestered.

I have a lot to catch you up on in terms of Consumables since I haven’t done one since The Week My Guts Exploded. Shall we? Let’s shall.

Despicable Me
I know someone who looks just like Vector, you guys. Every time he was on the screen I laughed until I cried. Even at many unfunny moments, so much so that Nordic Boy was like WHAT. So, I enjoyed the movie, but really for my own personal reasons. Those being: I KNOW THAT GUY.

The Kids are Alright
I get why, as a mainstream movie, that this was important. Still, there were things about it that grated on my nerves. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

Yep. There were babies. Four of them. Being babies. And also…actually there was no also. Just babies. It was like Puppy Bowl, only with babies, in that it was just about the “awwwww cute!” reflex. Awwww. And then…awwwww. And then…awwwww. And so on. But that’s about it.

Every Little Step
Documentary about the audition process for the revival of “A Chorus Line” on Broadway. Bonus: a younger Tyce Diorio auditioning and being that Annoying Broadway Guy. You know the one: “I’m going to be a STAR, I tell you, a STAR!”

The Tudors, Final Season
Heads rolled, bodices ripped, embroidery worn. Done.

The Social Network
I hated every last character in this movie and wanted all of them to fail. Just in case you didn’t know this, they didn’t. Fail, that is.

When I was sick, I watched a lot of day time tv. At one point, Bo Derek (yes, BO DEREK) was on, and she talked about how she was not in the least a spiritual person. To which Oprah scolded Bo and told her YES SHE IS TOO. Bo looked surprised by this bossiness (apparently she is not acquainted with Oprah who is Right About Everything). Oprah then declared that being spiritual just means that a person “has an open heart.” To which Bo genuflected in Oprah’s general direction and accepted this. About this, I say two things: I know Oprah is rich and all, but now she just gets to define words? She doesn’t have to use the dictionary like the rest of us? And also: really, Oprah? Bo Derek? Timely.

Ninth Ward
A book for middle school readers. I loved the protagonist: a 12-year-old who is an outcast at school but who is super smart and really likes herself as she is. She feels hurt that she’s left out of things most of the time, but she doesn’t let that get in the way of her own awesomeness. I loved that. The book is set in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina, and manages to not be 100% depressing, while not sugarcoating either. Pretty good stuff.

Olivia Kidney
What a weird little book. I don’t even know how I would hand sell this to a library patron, but I think lots of kids would like it. It’s just odd and trippy.

Ship Breaker
Good for Hunger Games fans. A post-apocolyptic world, set in the Gulf Coast area of the US. The main character is a boy who works on abandoned oil rigs, stripping them of their equipment. There was a fair amount of brutality in the book and although I wouldn’t say it was graphic, there were a lot of descriptions of physical pain, so it’s not for everyone. It’s the first in a series, because everything is the first in a series now. Hell, the scone I ate for breakfast this morning was the first in a series.

Fairy Tale Detectives #1, The Sisters Grimm
Speaking of series, this one is about a set of orphans (seriously, where would children’s lit be without orphans?) who are adopted into a family who lives in a town inhabited by Everafters, who are live characters from fairy tales and stories. They become detectives and solve fairy tale crimes. I thought this would be annoying, but I totally got behind it.

Cathy Dennis
We have digital radio through our Comcast. I decided to turn it on to the 90s station. This led to a Taylor Dane song being played. Which then led to Nordic Boy singing along in a way that was quite unnatural. Which then made Biogirl comment that Rick Astley really should have done a duet of some sort with Taylor Dane, wouldn’t that have been good? Which then made me say that although that didn’t happen, Rick Astley did help out on “Just Another Dream” by Cathy Dennis, which is sort of the same thing. Which then led to me having that song stuck in my head for three days. GOD DAMN YOU COMCAST.

I went to a dance show this weekend, and it was a showcase of about 10 different dances by different local companies. 90% of it was great. 10% of it was some of the worst stuff I have ever seen. Like, really I couldn’t figure out what was happening. Was it a joke? It was like watching Napoleon Dynamite’s dance, in the middle of an otherwise professional dance show. Nordic Boy and I sunk down in our seats and squeezed each other’s hands in mortification at what we were seeing. There was PANTOMIMING. PANTOMIMING OF DEALING CARDS AND SMOKING A CIGARETTE. Also lots of slow motion running in place, like Baywatch. Lots of it. Oy yoy yoy.

On the upside, we have had reams of fun ever since, re-enacting the bad moves in our living room. So there’s that.

Later, poh-taters.


  1. I just griped that Matched — another great Hunger Games / Uglies read-alike — was first in a triliogy. But since you mentioned the scones, let me pitch this bagel series idea I have. . . .

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