Today is my friend Delium’s birthday. You may know Delium as the guy with the leisure pants, or the guy with the awesome helpy skills, or the guy who pulls planes around, but he’s so much more than that. Delium has been an awesome friend to Nordic Boy and me for all of our adult lives. Let’s list some of his awesomisity, shall we?
1. I met Delium as a freshman in college, when we were both cast in a play together. We cracked each other up immediately. Literally, within 5 minutes of our audition, we were insta-friends.
2. We dated for a short while and when I think of the drama that we put each other through it’s kind of a goddamn miracle that we were still friends after that mess. Really, it was such a mess. I am not even joking you. HUGE mess. Have I emphasized enough how much of a mess it was? Ok. But after it was over, we were all, “I still think you’re cool.” And that was that. We totally became Jerry and Elaine after that, sort of seamlessly.
3. Delium is probably the busiest person I have ever known. He has a full-time job, he acts in plays, he does improv, he does voiceovers, he dances, he plays tennis, he does yoga, the list goes on and on. And yet, he’s a person that we have always called in a crisis. He’s always there when we need him, somehow.
4. Nordic Boy and Delium have what I think is the funniest friendship on earth. It’s like they are Bert and Ernie. They are so very different, but get along so well. I think they would make a great reality show. Their adventures together could definitely be termed hijinks.
5. And ok, fine, over the years Delium has grown to love Nordic Boy a little bit more than he loves me. Nordic Boy doesn’t have as many friends as me, but when he does have them, they always love him more. I even recently found out that in Delium’s life, Nordic Boy is his In Case of Emergency person. Not me, even though I have known him longer. I have put in the time! And not me since I am the one who is always in town and available if needed, whereas Nordic Boy is often away on business. Oh no. It had to be Nordic Boy. That lovable bastard.
6. Delium is one of the few people (there are only 4) in my life that I can say anything to. I mean anything. Unconditional, he is.
7. Delium is known for his falls. He can do a grand fall down like nobody’s business. This is something he shares in common with Biogirl. I don’t know why my best friends have talent in the falling down skills. Sometimes, when they hang out, they have conversations about their falls. “So, have you had any crazy falls lately?” “Why, yes. Yes I have.”
8. One time, years ago, Delium had a free gift certificate for a family portrait. I don’t know who’s idea it was (probably his), but we thought it would be funny to go get a photo taken together. Me, him, and Nordic Boy, our little family. It started out as a “ha ha, wouldn’t it be funny if we did that” thing, and quickly escalated to where we actually went and did it. We got dressed up and went to this studio, and not one of us said A WORD about what our relationship was to each other. That poor photographer was SO CONFUSED. Was I a couple with one of these boys? Were the two boys a couple? Were we siblings or something? That dude had no idea how to pose the three of us. The result is a FUCKING HILARIOUS photo that the photographer came up with, of Nordic Boy and I seated next to each other, and Delium standing behind/above us, encircling us both with his hands on our shoulders like a proud papa with his two little babies. The photo makes no sense whatsoever. It is comedy gold.
9. Delium is, through and through, a good, solid, fun, friggin’ hilarious, talented, A-1 tip top friend. I don’t even really think of him as my friend. I just think of him as a part of my family. He’s closer to me than my own brothers, truly. I can’t imagine what it would be like to not have him around.
10. Yay, Delium! Happy birthday, you old goat.