Random ephemera from my life this week…
1. Yes, I just said “ephemera from my life,” like a big pretentious asshole.
2. You might be aware of the fact that my aesthetic runs toward minimal. I am not a keeper of things, and clutter drives me crazy. I don’t think that having things is really my issue- I think I am more of an organization nut that anything else. If things that I own have a place, neat and tidy, then I am happy with keeping them. Anyway. This is just a preface to say that my policy of giving shit away has always been a good thing in my life, overall. Except for twice. Once, a couple of months ago, when we were making tabbouli salad and hummus, and Nordic Boy was all “um, where is our food processor?” and I was all, “don’t look at me, how would I know?” and then I realized that I had given it away. To Goodwill. Because we hadn’t used it in a couple of months. So we had to go buy a new one. Nordic Boy chose not to give me shit about this, because he is good people. Then, a few weeks ago, he and I were going to go for a run after work together. And then I was all “where are my running shoes?” and we looked high and low. And goddamn it, they were GONE. I think I tossed them into a give-away pile recently. It’s the only explanation I can think of. Nordic Boy, again, did not give me shit about this. However, Biogirl did. And I so deserve it. Don’t leave any of your crap with me because I will discard it, fools. Buh’lee dat.
3. A neighbor told us that his dog and a raccoon got into a fight the other night. What kind of crap is that? We are in the CITY, people. This ain’t no Marlin Perkins situation we have going on around here. All I could think about was Jasper on Little House on the Prairie. And so what if my references are all from the 1970s right now? (The dog and the raccoon both walked away from this fight unharmed overall, by the way, but I bet they are both hella pissed).
4. The other night, I was asleep in my bed (all alone, without Nordic Boy, woe is me), and the oscillating fan that we had propped up in the corner? TURNED ON BY ITSELF. Woke me up, scared me so bad my nuts pulled up, and I still can’t figure out how it happened. Clearly I have dead people hanging out in my house and they are sweaty, hot dead people who want me to turn the fan on. Poltergeist! GAH.
5. I got ma’am’ed at work yesterday. Doesn’t happen all that often, but when it does? Ouch.
6. You know I am one to joke about just about anything, but Mel Gibson jokes? Not funny to me. Just in case you were thinking about telling me a Mel Gibson joke.
7. Nordic Boy says that he might get to stay home for work EVERY NIGHT next week. Although he was careful to say “might” I am now officially taking it as fact. If anyone at his work undoes this now, I will have to cut someone.
8. There are many things at work that require my signature. No one ever gets my Henry Blake references when I try to use them in those situations. I fear I am becoming one of those bosses that tells bad jokes continually, hoping someone will laugh.
That’s all I got.
Carry on my wayward sons.