Consumables #21

This week I could not take reading, watching, listening to ANYTHING that wasn’t silly. I just couldn’t.

Planet of the Apes (1968 version)
Nordic Boy and I, because we are old fogeys, still frequent our local video rental store quite often. You know those buildings? Where there are actual shelves with dvds on display? And you walk in a door and rent them? Yeah, we still do that. And for years and years, we have had a running joke. Whenever I am being indecisive about what movie I want, and I just keep wandering around and around gathering armloads of movies when we really need to narrow down to just one, Nordic Boy has a failsafe phrase to get my ass moving. “You better pick one or we are just getting Planet of the Apes and that’s that.” And I go into a panic and pick a movie out immediately. I don’t know what it is about the threat of Planet of the Apes, but it works. This tactic has been used for at least 10 years. This week, I noticed Planet of the Apes on Netflix streaming, and fired that sucker up. And though I hadn’t seen it in a million years, the lines were burned in my brain to the point where I could recite along with it. Which actually isn’t that hard, because Heston isn’t exactly Shakespeare. “It’s a mad house! A MAD HOUSE!”

Year One
Stupid ass Judd Apatow. I watch his movies and sort of go through the whole thing kind of being mad about the anti-lady-ness, and then the juvenile 14-year-old part of my brain kicks in and one or two things will just hit my funny bone for a second and it saves the whole experience. For instance:

Princess: (indicating a temple) I want you to enter the Holiest of Holies.

Jack Black: That’s quite a coincidence, because I want you to sit on the Poliest of Polies.

We lost our shit laughing at that, I am not gonna lie.

Slap Shot
Many things not to like about this movie. But it’s got Paul Newman. And also Strother Martin making a friggin’ hilarious masturbation face.

For the love of Petey Wheat, I am Beavis AND Butthead this week. There is just no other excuse.

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