My favorite person-who-is-related-to-me is my cousin Rosita. Rosita totally cracks my shit up, and if you can do that you’re likely to make it on my favorite people list. She rocks it.
When Rosita was in her teen years, she was, as many teens are, often annoyed by people. And when she was annoyed by people, she would tell me about what they had said to annoy her. She would imitate what they said, just how they said it, in great detail. And after she would go on and on with whatever long-winded obnoxious quote that the offender had delivered, she would wind up the whole thing by an emphatic Rosita-coined phrase. “Oh my god. Shut-up-nobody-cares!”
SHUT UP NOBODY CARES.
I don’t know why, but this phrase totally cracks me up. The teen angst of it. The surly nature! Old people often get the reputation for being the curmudgeonly folk in our social circles, but really, it’s the teens. SHUT UP NOBODY CARES. I mean, really, right? Ouch. It’s, like, the ultimate dismissal. And I wish I could convey the tone that needs to be employed with this phrase. First of all, you have to say it super fast. Shutupnobodycares! And the disdain, it must drip. And you have to mean it, so so hard. It’s the only way to say it.
I would like to interject here that Rosita is no longer a surly teen (and really, when she was a teen she wasn’t all that high on the surly scale to begin with) and I haven’t heard her say this phrase for many years. Surly teen phrases aside, I assure you she did not grow up to be an asshole. Ok then.
One time, many years after I had heard this phrase or even thought about it, I was hanging out with Biogirl. We were going to try a new restaurant, and we arrived at the building and pushed the button to wait for the elevator. As the doors opened and we got in, I said this:
“That elevator really took a long time to come down. I mean, it’s a big building, but it’s not THAT big. Seems like it should have been faster. Slow service from an elevator, it’s really stupid. And wow, look they have fancy art on the wall inside the elevator. That seems so hoity-toit, to have something that expensive in the elevator. Of all things to spend money on, people. I mean, I am all for art in unexpected places, but this elevator doesn’t even have good lighting. So the art is totally being wasted. It’s ridiculous. I mean, just look at it. Can you even see that? I can’t. The person who made that decision really does not know a thing about how to hang art. OH MY GOD SHUTUPNOBODYCARES.”
I shutup’ed MY OWN SELF, everyone. I was talking, and talking, and complaining about some shit that does not even matter, and all of a sudden, it was like I left my own body and I could hear myself. And WOW was I annoying. So I had to give myself the old one two punch. One: Shut up. And two: Nobody Cares. It came out of me so strong, so organically, right from my core.
The big finish phrase? Made Biogirl literally almost fall on the floor laughing.
Since then, this has become a phrase that Biogirl and I have totally revived. Whenever we go on too long about something, especially a whine of some sort, we tell ourselves ShutUpNobodyCares. A bit of tough love for ourselves. Sure, we are kind of kidding, but really, we all know when we reach that point where we are being a big whiny crybaby and truly, nobody cares. So shut it.
Well, I don’t know that we all know that. And there are probably times when I am doing it and don’t know it as well. But for the times that I am doing that and I realize it? Best. phrase. ever.
The past week or two, I am having multiple pre-emptive shutupnobodycares moments. Before I even start to say something, I know I am in danger of a shutupnobodycares moment, so I stop myself. Hence, my post about not really having that much to say lately, and my other post about being Debbie Downer. And also my sparse blogging this week. All of these things feel supremely uncomfortable to me. Crisis, I can deal with. Happiness, also good for me. But general worry and malaise in a sort of cloud that hangs over things? Not really my strength. I usually can buckle down when things go really wrong, or suck it up when things are just sort of not ok and see the good. One or the other. I’m good at those. But this? I just sort of don’t know what to say or do with myself. I suppose I was brought up with the “if you don’t have anything productive to say, don’t say anything” sentiment, and whether that’s a good or bad sentiment, it’s in me.
So that’s where I am at these days. Trying not to go to the Shutupnobodycares place. And the reason? The reason is that everywhere around me right now, it’s bad news. People around me are going through stuff, I’m going through stuff, and it’s all pretty glum. And I feel the danger of throwing myself a big old whine and cheese party. Which will just make me feel more glum.
So today? I am giving myself a blog style shutupnobodycares. I shall spare you any of the whine that I could dole out. (You’re welcome!) Instead, I am turning the tables. I want you, if you are so inclined, to tell me something good. Comment me something positive, something happy, something funny. Send me a link that will make me smile, or point me to a source that made you feel good about what’s happening in your life, or in the world. Because I need that right now.
(And please, don’t be alarmed- nothing horrible has happened to me. I am just totally feeling surrounded by bad news on a personal, local, and global scale lately, and it’s fricking bumming me out and I DON’T LIKE IT. That’s all. Nothing earth-shattering).
So…tell me something good.