In elementary and middle school, we had the RIF (Reading is Fundamental!) program. Every once in a while, the RIF people would show up with a truckload of free books, and each of us got to pick something up, to keep forever and ever. And man, they had the goods in terms of preteen paperback cheesy goodness.
So, I just dug up a bunch of my RIF books at my parents’ house, y’all! And I have decided to re-read one. But which one? That’s where you come in. Please tell me which one to read, and dagnabbit I will. Kay?
1. The Secret Life of the Underwear Champ (wherein, judging from the cover, the Underwear Championships involve a baseball bat and are televised).
2. The Great Lakeside High Experiment. I think this is Eliza Doolittle-ish.
3. The Wrong Boy. Cover photo: angry cheerleader being arm-grabbed by burn-out wearing a denim tuxedo.
4. Phone Calls. Mulletted maiden makes phone calls! News at eleven!
5. But This Girl Is Different. Tagline: how trusting should she be? Cover art: Wayne Gretzy-lookalike in a basketball outfit standing with a high school girl in business casual who is carrying a clipboard, which is totally high school, just totally.
6. But In The Fall I’m Leaving. Cover: Dark haired Melissa Sue Anderson looking fucking PISSED.
7. Waiting Games. Sequel to the bestseller called Sooner or Later, which was made into a tv movie of the week, for Pete’s sake.
8. Temporary Times, Temporary Places. Cover: girl looking lovingly up at a JC Penny’s male model from the teen boy section circa 1982, wearing Sans-a-Belt slacks. Rowr.
9. Blissful Joy and the SATs: a Multiple Choice Romance. That is so Teri Garr on the cover.
10. Second Chance: Could She Leave the Past Behind? I don’t know about that, but she definitely needs to leave that frilly blouse behind.
11. Fridays. All y’all on this cover look freaky. Zombie clique girls, stalker girl trailing behind, and two scary thugs in the back. Yikes.
12. The Trouble with Thirteen. This one is giving off a Square Pegs vibe, am i right?
13. The Great Boy Chase. Pastel triangle sweater vest girl uses cartography to chase boys! With bonus neckerchief!
14. Nothing’s Fair in Fifth Grade. I’m sensing a rip-off of Judy Blume’s “Blubber,” but i could be wrong.
Which one, friends?
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