Roll With It

Most days, work is pretty cool. I like my job and I feel a lot of pride in what I do. It’s intellectually stimulating, and it fulfills my do-gooder needs, and really, it’s great. But yesterday? Yesterday was heinous. Yesterday I had to deal with glamorous things that boss ladies get to deal with such as public toilets that explode and library patrons that want to get in fights and various other things that don’t feel intellectually stimulating nor do-gooding in any way.

So after my work day was done, all I could think of was to get home, take some ibuprofen, take a hot shower and get into my pjs. Which is just what I did. When I got done and was all towel-turbaned-wet-hair-on-the-couch-under-a-blankie jimjammed up, I realized that I was supposed to stop on the way home from work and pick up orange juice and toilet paper. The orange juice probably could wait, but we were down to 10 sheets of buttpaper which everyone knows is code red for household emergencies. But the blankie! And the jimjams!

I called Nordic Boy and left him a message, which was totally a baby whiny copout thing to do since he was already working late and fighting traffic. But he didn’t pick up, and so I figured he was already on the road and it was too late to catch him. Phooey.

Next thing? I called Biogirl. Oh yes. I called my friend who doesn’t even live with me and whose responsibility in doing my household chores for me is exactly to the tune of BUT NOT AT ALL and asked her if she would buy my toilet paper for me. And she said yes.

Her = Nobel Prize for friendship.
Me = Seriously. What the hell?

Soon after, Nordic Boy showed up. With a huge honking pack of toilet paper. Turns out he got the message. Not two minutes after that, Biogirl shows up, also with lots o’ toilet paper.

All because I had spent the evening calling my loved ones and demanding toilet paper from them from my towel-turbaned throne. It was like Halloween, except instead of people getting things for showing up at my house, they brought me stuff. And instead of it being candy, it was tushie tissue. Ok, so it’s not like Halloween at all.

Moral of the story? I am awesome. Also, if you have any toilet paper needs, I am your lady, because I am fully stocked.

Well, maybe not ANY toilet paper needs.


  1. I worked at a retail place when I was in college and the manager got a really good deal on very thin and scratchy toilet paper once so he stocked up. He put it all in the warehouse which was kind of the basement under the store. There was moisture down there and the toilet paper got covered in mold. He was so cheap that he put moldy toilet paper in the bathrooms for customers (and us) to use. We all brought rolls from home and left them on our desks in the office. We got lots of strange looks from customers when they came in and we took great pleasure in telling them how cheap our manager was. Moral of this very long and stupid comment: make sure you store all of that toilet paper somewhere without any moisture.

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