The other day, after helping a kid at work find a book of knock-knock jokes, witnessing his glee, and then wondering to myself about the continued popularity of knock-knock jokes, I, being the cutting-edge sort of lady that I am (after all I am just now seriously contemplating getting rid of my paper daily planner in favor of Google Calendar because I live in the future where android chefs make Smores out of little pieces of motherboard) decided that knock-knock jokes were just a little too antiquated and I was just the person to update them.
Me: Don’t you think knock-knock jokes should be updated?
Nordic Boy: Like how?
Me: I don’t know. They seem so outdated. At the very least, you should be able to start them out with a doorbell instead of a knock.
Nordic Boy: That would make a difference how?
Me: I don’t know. But it’s more fun to start it out by saying “DING DONG” and then the other person saying “Who’s there?” Rather than “knock knock.”
Nordic Boy: But then technically I guess people have peepholes now, so they don’t have to say “Who’s there?” at all.
Me: Oh never mind.
Since we had this conversation, I have diligently tried to integrate the BRAND! NEW! knock-knock joke into our household conversation. When things get quiet around our house, I will try it out. “Ding dong!” I’ll say. Without fail, Nordic Boy will keep on reading/cooking/fixing stuff/sudoku-ing. Nothing, no response. Granted, I am prone to babbling weird things in his presence (even though I do not ever babble weird things when I am alone, so psychoanalyze that one), so me shouting out “Ding Dong!” is not out of the realm of possible idiocy that I might say. And if he doesn’t remember the Update the Knock Knock Joke Campaign, then why would he say anything in response to my outbursts? In polite society, someone shouting out “Ding Dong!” does not warrant a response. Clearly.
Finally, I was at the end of my ding dong rope.
Me: Ding dong!
Me: DING DONG!
Me: YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SAY “WHO’S THERE.” REMEMBER? IT’S DING DONG! THEN IT’S WHO’S THERE?
Him: Oops! I forgot! Sorry.
Him: Maybe no one’s home. Have you ever considered that?
Since then, no one has ever been home. Isn’t that weird? Maybe they’re on vacation.