Sicko

I’m sick, people. WAAAHHHHH.

I am usually a pretty good sickie, if I do say so myself. But this time is frustrating. Because I sort of feel ok as I sit and watch Hallmark Original Movies in a long, unending loop. Just a sore throat, really. But then I get up to put in a load of laundry or try and vacuum and I feel like I have just run a few miles and I either need to take a nap or faint or something. So, I just have to sit. And sit. And sit some more. It’s now Day Two and I am bored out of my everloving gourd.

Did you guys hear that Kirkus Reviews is closing down? My library colleagues and I are all abuzz about it, because even though Kirkus reviewers are haughty and crotchety and scary to authors, we use them a lot. I wrote a short story in an anthology once, and the crowning achievement of the whole experience was that the Kirkus review for the book called the entire book the equivalent of maggoty goat turds, but singled my story out as being less maggot-filled than the rest. From Kirkus, that was like a four-star review.

Does anyone think it’s kind of cheating when mascara commercials show models who are obviously wearing fake eyelashes? Are fake eyelashes so ubiquitous that they are just a given? I think it’s cheaty advertising.

One thing that I can get going on today is my holiday cards. I always feel a little chagrined about my holiday cards, to tell the truth, and I have decided to stop that shit this year. The story is that I really do cards mainly for my relatives overseas, who have not seen me for years (and some of whom have not seen Nordic Boy ever). Because of this, my cards are always photo cards. I choose a photo or set of photos of us from throughout the year and make a card out of them and that way my family can see how we grow and change each year. For instance, this year, my cards have a photo from each season, so I can tell my relatives about the snowstorm in January and the Chicago trip in July, etc. Most of my relatives do not have computers, let alone Facebook or email addresses for me to send photos of us, so the holiday card is kind of important to me for that reason. So in past years, I used to order up those holiday cards for family, and then get another non-photo set for friends and family in the States. That got to be too much of a hassle and so for the past few years I have done just the photo cards.

Here’s the thing. I don’t know if you are aware, but there are some people who think it’s weird that people such as us send out photo cards. It’s like, looked upon as megalomanical in a Tyra Banks self-referential sort of way, or something. The first year I did this, someone said thanks for the card, and that they found it interesting that we sent out photos of ourselves. They said it in a non-assholey way, but it made me think. And when some other people said similar things, it made me think some more. And you know what I think it is? I think that the only way that (some, not all) people really want to see photos of you in that context is (a) if you have children and the photos are of them, or you with them, or (b) if you just got married and your photo is of you at your wedding or honeymoon or something, or (c) if you have done something worthy of photo-documentation, such as finishing a marathon, or buying a house, or graduating from grad school or something, or (d) if it’s of you doing a brag-worthy hobby, like you traveling to Paris or you climbing a mountain or you underwater basketweaving. But you, just living your regular life, with regular happiness and contentedness? BORING. And also borderline Tyra narcissism.

So in the past couple of years, I have found myself making an excuse for the card, whenever anyone received one and thanked me for it, even to those people who weren’t even making the “that’s so interesting that you did that” sort of comments. “Oh, yeah, you’re welcome. I only get those photocards for my overseas relatives, you see, and I know you probably don’t need photos of us since you see us every week and everything, but you know, it’s just that, um, it’s for my relatives, and so, you know…” Which makes me look like a weirdo to the majority of people who weren’t even thinking anything bad about the cards, which is a bonus.

Anyhow, this year, I have decided to officially stop feeling weird about the cards. I don’t have kids, I don’t do underwater basketweaving, I don’t run marathons, and I didn’t go on a honeymoon. What I did do this year was spend a lot of time with Nordic Boy, and we clocked in another year of being happy, and smiling a lot, and probably looking a bit older than the year before, and that’s all the pictures show us doing. If that is boring, then people can be bored. If that makes us Tyra, then oh well. I’m good with that.

Well, maybe not good with being Tyra, exactly. But you know what I mean.

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7 comments

  1. Sorry you are sick, it has spread clear to the midwest, Indiana. You need chick-flick movies. For $5 at Walmart, you can sit all day. OH, you have Nordic Boy, so maybe you don't. Glad you have stopped apologizing as I love to get photos of people. People are cool and if someone doesn't understand, I feel sad for them. Love your blog and your humor. You are so much more refined than Tyra.

  2. I got one of those cards last year (or something similar) and I really liked it. In fact, I sort of adopted your idea, with a twist. We all crammed into a photo booth and took pictured until we finally got all our heads in the frame 🙂 I got copies made at costco.

  3. We're totally doing photo cards this year. Wait til you see them–they are going to make you and NB look like Mr. and Mrs. Normalton from Normal Town.Feel better! And let me know if you need me to swing by on my way home from work with some soup or cough drops or something.

  4. Your photo cards sound rad. I would love to get something like that (not that, you know, I'm asking or anything…) Feel better soon – I had that "just need to sit and sit and stare" thing a few weeks ago and it's not fun at all.

  5. Who cares what they say! Send whatever photo card you want! Don't apologize for your life!Some people cannot understand how you could be happy without having children, pets, a wedding or some crap to brag about. If you haven't discovered this website, check it out. You will double over with laughter…awkwardfamilyphotos.com

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