Memery Glands

Well, let’s see. Any good anecdotes to tell this week? Anything funny happen on the way to the forum, or the library, or wherever? Anything at all? Anything?

I got nothing. Really. Zippola.

Hence, you get a meme. As you may recall, I sort of stink at memes. That’s ok though. It’s my blog and I’ll stink if I want to.

THE 99 THINGS MEME (or as many as I feel like before I peter out, which will probably be only half)
How many of these have you done?

1. Started your own blog.

2. Slept under the stars.
Technically, aren’t we always sleeping under the stars? Does this mean, like, sleeping so we can see the stars? But if we are sleeping, how can we see the stars, you know, with our eyes closed? This kind of overthinking is why I suck at memes. I’m just going to say YES on this one.

3. Played in a band.
I had almost forgotten the idiocy, but I have totally done this! In college! I was THE LEAD SINGER. We did covers of 10,000 Maniacs songs and the like. Who was that girl?

4. Visited Hawaii.
Technically I have only been in the airport a bunch of times on layovers to get back and forth from here to Fiji. Still. I have visited. I am counting it.

5. Watched a meteor shower.
Hope it uses soap! HAR HAR HAAAAR.

6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
I went through a phase, when I got first got a grown up job, where I was giving away everything to anyone that looked at me funny, just because I COULD. But then, oops, where’s the grocery money? I learned my lesson fast on that one.

7. Been to Disneyland/world.
I know that I’m not supposed to say this because the hipsters will hate me, but I LOVED IT THERE. I was 10 at the time though, so maybe that explains it.

8. Climbed a mountain.
Depends on your definition of “climbed.” I have walked up the side of a steep trail that eventually goes up into true climbing to get to the top. I was lightheaded from the air getting thin. That counts, right? I’m counting it.

9. Held a praying mantis.
My brother went through a phase when we were kids where he was obsessed with praying mantises. So, yes, I held one. I was like four. And I was scared shitless. Which was part of the entertainment for my brother, I am sure.

10. Sang a solo.
Yes. Many times. This meme is making me sound like a big singer or something. Don’t believe the hype.

11. Bungee jumped.
Hell to the N-O.

12. Visited Paris.
Nopesy doodle.

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
So, like, while I was at sea? Or watching the storm, which was at sea, but when I was on land? CLARITY, MEME WRITER.

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.

15. Adopted a child.
No. I thought about it for a while though.

16. Had food poisoning.
Nope. I have a stomach of steel. (TMI?)

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
I was carried to the top of the Statue of Liberty when I was a baby, with my parents. I don’t remember it though, and technically I didn’t WALK, so I’m not counting it.

18. Grown your own vegetables.
Nope, but my parents always did, so I got put to work on that shit quite a lot as a child. And Nordic Boy has, so I have been near a lot of gardeners. Near enough to where I can probably claim credit. But I won’t.

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
No. This meme writer is kind of focused on France.

20. Slept on an overnight train.
I have always wanted to do this. I think that’s common when you are a classic movie lover. It probably sucks in real life though so I should just leave it a dream.

21. Had a pillow fight.
Well, I’m a girl and according to pop culture, we are all about pillow fights in our underwear, so yeah. Obviously.

22. Hitch hiked.
My mom would have killed me with her own bare hands had I ever done that.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
Man, when I worked at the Job From Hell, I did this like it was going out of style. That job sort of did make me feel sick though. It makes me sick just thinking about it now, actually.

24. Built a snow fort.
Hello? Born and raised in Michigan? Snow fort construction is in my DNA.

25. Held a lamb.
Petted, yes. Held? I am not sure I can with confidence say that I HELD one.

26. Gone skinny dipping.
Yes indeed, I dipped my skinny right in the water. I think the first time I did that I was in high school, and it was at Map’s house. And there were boys there. Scandal! (Map, do you remember this?)

27. Run a marathon.
Remember what I said about bungee jumping? That goes double for marathon running.

28. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
Nope. I’ve ridden a canoe in Lake Washington though. Same thing? Sort of? A little?

29. Seen a total eclipse.
OF THE HEART. Come on, you knew I was gonna say that.

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
Yes, both. Who hasn’t done this? This one must be a freebie so that meme takers won’t feel bad if they haven’t done any of the other things.

31. Hit a home run.
Oh baby.

32. Been on a cruise.
Nope, and don’t want to. Ever. I have a bonafide THING about cruises.

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
Yes. That town in the gaudiest mothershanker of a place, and I loved it.

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
Some of them. Not all of them. Who has been to the birthplace of ALL of their ancestors? I mean, that’s a lot of people, no matter who you are.

35. Seen an Amish community.

36. Taught yourself a new language.
Any languages I’ve learned have been taught to me. I can’t imagine learning a language by myself.

37.Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
Ever since I became a librarian, I have joined the middle class, and I gotta say, it doesn’t suck. I worry a lot less than ever before, and I don’t really even make a whole lot relatively speaking.

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.

39. Gone rock climbing.
Nope. Unless you count those fake rock climbing walls. Which, hey, let’s count that.

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person.

41. Sung Karaoke.
Yes indeed, but not very often. People I know are way too cool to do shit like that, which is kind of a drag.

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
Oh baby. (Too much?)

43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
Nope. That seems like a recipe for getting hit on, don’t it?

44. Visited Africa.
Nope. And meme writer, it bugs me when people just say Africa like it’s one monolithic place instead of a continent with a jillion different countries. In case you were wanting my feedback.

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
Yes. It was even better than a Massengil commercial.

46. Been transported in an ambulance.
Yeah, it was really scary. I was not the patient, I was with the patient. But still, not nice.

47. Had your portrait painted.
Yes. The artist was an assmunch. But the painting was good. Isn’t that just the way?

48. Gone deep sea fishing.
Nope, no kind of fishing, thanks.

49. Seen the Sistine chapel in person.

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
Oh my god, no, ok?

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
No, but if you’re from Fiji you kind of don’t have to. You bump into crazy sea creatures no matter what you do.

52. Kissed in the rain.
Again, this seems like a freebie.

53. Played in the mud.
Ok, now the meme is just getting stupid.

54. Gone to a drive-in theater.
Yes, lots of times. The first one I ever went to was Grease.

55. Been in a movie.
Like, what? A feature film blockbuster? Or a home movie? Or a Kim Kardashian sexy time movie? Or a film student project? I’m totally counting this one too.

56. Started a business.
Nope. But if I did, I would call it a bidnass.

57. Taken a martial arts class.
I took a self defense class that was martial arts-ish. We got to kick the balls of the dude in the giant padded suit, grasshopper.

58. Sold Girl Scout cookies.
No. I was kicked out of Brownies before I could graduate to Girl Scouts. Long story.

59. Gone whale watching.
Not on purpose, but I have seen whales in the water just like, on accident.

60. Gotten flowers for no reason.
Well, flowers are always for a reason, aren’t they? Like, even if it’s just an ordinary day of “I love you” or “thanks for dinner” or whatever? I am being difficult.

61. Gone sky diving.
I’m from Flint, I grew up facing death. Sky diving? Whatevs.

62. Toured the Everglades.
No. I am actually fairly well-traveled, but this meme makes me sound like I have missed EVERYTHING.

63. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
Yes. It was actually more exciting than it seems like it would be.

64. Broken a bone.
Yes, in 5th grade. And I kept going to ballet classes with a big old cast on my arm because I was a 5th grade badass.

65. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
Yes. Clutching a hot dude all the while. At least I thought he was hot at the time. I can’t vouch for my 17-year-old taste.

66. Published a book.
No, but I have been published in a book. Counting it.

67. Bought a brand new car.
Yes. It’s a royal pain in the hoohah.

68. Had your picture in the newspaper.
Yes, I did a lot when I was a kid.

69. Visited the White House.
Nope. I think I did every touristy thing in DC except the White House. That’s sort of weird.

70. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
No, but I have been up close and personal on it being done. It smells weird, and there is a lot of blood involved. A whole lot a lot. Is that obvious? Shut up, I’m from the city.

71. Met someone famous.
Yes, plenty. Famous people aren’t so special. In fact, many are assholes.

72. Joined a book club.
Yes. I think my librarian papers would be revoked if I hadn’t.

73. Lost a loved one.

74. Had a baby.
In the same category as running a marathon or bungee jumping.

Ok I am bored now, and if you aren’t catching some serious z’s reading this, you must be an android or something.

I quit.

The end.


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