Oh internets, where have you been? I have missed the feeling of your pixels on my eyeballs. So many things to say to you; shall we catch up? Let’s shall.
1. I have been watching “My Antonio” on vh1. I know it is shameful so I thought I would confess it right up front. For those of you who don’t know, Antonio was a semi-famous underwear model from the 90s whose main claim to fame besides filling out a pair of tighty whiteys was that he was on General Hospital for a minute and also in a Janet Jackson video with Djimon Hounsou. And now, he is looking for love. On vh1. And he takes himself very, very seriously. And he has a group of ladies on the show and he kicks them off, one by one, each week. What would reality tv be like if there was no kicking people off week by week? It’s like, the law of the universe that someone must be eliminated every 7 days or the world will end. I have discovered that I need to have one tv show in my life at a time that causes me to hurl enraged epithets at the screen and then wonder why I just wasted 30 minutes of my time doing so. This month, it is Antonio who will incur my wrath. What this says about me as a person I don’t know and if you know I am sure I don’t want you to tell me.
2. I was in Portland last week, and I really should have told all of you that before I went, instead of posting hastily about it in a Portland hotel room 2 minutes before walking out the door. I returned only to find lots of comments and emails with all sorts of suggestions on what I should have seen and done instead of what I actually did do, which was wander the streets in an aimless manner, drifting in and out of shopping and eating establishments. At least I have this list for next time. You guys are awesome, it is once again proven.
3. This week, Nordic Boy is in Portland yet again and now that I have seen the swank in which he is bathed when he goes there, I am even more jealous than ever before. Sigh.
4. I bet all of you non-Pacific-Northwesterners are wondering why I keep talking about Portland. I know that before I moved to Seattle, I didn’t know shit about Portland. Who cares about Portland? Let me tell you something, YOU SHOULD. It is such a fun city, people. So many cool things about it, it is hard for me to list. Seattle, yeah yeah, San Francisco, sure ok, but Portland? It’s all kinds of awesome. Trust me on this.
5. My two girlie pals who I have known since I was spawned are coming to town tomorrow and I am trying to act all nonchalant about it today but I am so excited that I fear my brains might pop out of my skull, or my guts may pop out of my belly, or something equally disgusting.
6. Three shout-outs today. Yes, I just said “shout-outs.” That makes me feel like the incredibly unhip teacher that I had in high school that used to call us “cats” sometimes when he wanted to seem cool. At any rate. Shout-outs. One, to Pop Quiz Kid, who is a newbie in the Big Apple and will soon be running a city wide empire to rival the Trumpster that includes her own tv show, real estate developing, telling people they are fired, and marketing her own line of steak meat. Two, to the Lovechild, who is hightailing it out of the Midwest to make her way on the West Coast (hmm, that sounds like something I would do) which means that between her and the Pop Quiz Kid they can have a Tupac/Biggie style East Coast West Coast rivalry with each other except without the murder and stuff like that. And three, to Josh and the Metallurgist, who moved on up to the lower east side to finally get a piece of the pie. I hope that you have your very own Mr. Bentley who will come over and let you walk on his back, because don’t we all need a neighbor like that?
7. We bought some storage bins this week. They had this sticker on them as a reminder that we should not enclose our babies in plastic bins for they are our future and they can’t lead the way if they are in bins.
8. Summer in Seattle is pretty much over. Phhhhhhhhbbbbbt.