Lately, I have been thinking about the concept of uniforms. They came up in conversation a week ago, and since then I have been thinking about them. As a concept. What do they say? Why are they relevant? Who wears them? Who doesn’t?
I think about clothes a lot, y’all. In all forms.
All of this thinking about uniforms made me a little sarcastic about the whole thing. Who would go with me in my sarcasm? Oh, hmmm, let me think.
Me: You know what I think? I think we should have a uniform.
Him: Who we?
Me: Us, we. You and me.
Him: For what?
Me: For like, us. Our Family Uniform. We need to make a statement. About who we are as a family.
Me: It would denote that we are together, right?
Him: Because dressing alike is always a good look for a couple.
Him: Good. Agreed. I’m in.
Me: What should it look like?
Him: Well, we are all about laid back chic.
Him: Plus, we are a hetero couple, who has been together for a long time. So I think we do a play on the jogging suit. Because nothing says hetero old couple like matching jogging suits, right?
Me: I like it.
Him: Velour for winter and satin for summer.
Him: Stripes down the sides of the arms and legs.
Him: Only, the stripes are bedazzled.
Him: Pssh. DIAMONDS.
Him: Sewn onto the stripes, which are in turn sewn on by metallic gold thread.
Me: Love! It!
Him: We need to have our names embroidered on the chest, also in metallic gold thread.
Me: Not just our names, but pet names.
Him: I’ll be Icy, and you be Hottie.
Me: You are a genius.
Him: And then, embroidered across the back of the jacket, it says “Friends and Lovers.”
Me: In curly lettering, of course.
Him: Of course.
Him: I’m thinking moon boots.
Him: What’s more romantic than the moon? Nothing!
Me: So why not have boots that remind one of the moon?
Him: Sunglasses in the shape of stars.
Me: Still going with the romantic sky theme.
Him: And a Crocodile Dundee style hat, with a string under the chin.
Him: We are wild and untamed.
Me: Nice. This all came rolling out of you so easily.
Him: I was inspired.
Me: We didn’t talk color palette.
Him: What do you think?
Me: How about a lavender suit with the stripes in orange?
Him: Whoa. No way.
Me: Why not?
Him: I mean, I don’t want it to look WEIRD or anything.
Me: Right. Sorry.