Parental Perfection

Ok, I will stop bellyaching about all the shit that has gone on around here and focus a little bit on the shinola.

My friends H and J just had a baby!

I don’t have any photographic evidence of this occurrence at this point, but when I do see photos of mama, dad, and baby, I am sure they will be beautiful. And when I say beautiful? I don’t mean it in that “my friend had a baby and afterwards she looked like a train ran her over and the baby looks like a mini-Gorbachev but they look happy so that makes it beautiful” sort of beautiful. Don’t get me wrong, that sort of beauty is, well, a beautiful thing. But in this case I am talking about more of a “are you kidding me that this is a real birthing type situation because you look like you are in an ad or something” sort of beautiful.

The last time H had a baby, there was a photo taken that has since become legend in our circle. It is a photo of H, lying on the birthing table (the photo is from the shoulders up), with a shower cap on her head. Like, we are not talking a few hours after the baby is born. We are talking a few minutes. She is completely flat on the table, with all the accoutrements around her. Her hubby J is there, holding the baby for her to see (she’s not even at a place where she can hold the baby herself at this point, or really hold her own head up very well), and whoever was taking the photo must have said “hey, guys, I am taking a photo!” because H and J are looking back at the camera, and THEY LOOK LIKE MODELS.

H has a calm, relaxed, super happy smile on her face. And J looks the same. Both of them fresh as friggin’ daisies. I believe H still has mascara and lip gloss on. Or if she doesn’t, she looks like she does.

At any rate, it is a gorgeous photo that anyone in their right mind would think was staged, unless you know H and J, and then you know it’s not because they are gorgeous no matter what they do. Every single person I know that has ever seen that photo has been like, seriously? No, come on. SERIOUSLY?

And I am like, yeah. Seriously. And the even more amazing thing about this family is that no matter how ridonk the facial frontispieces are on these folks, the inner awesomeness is even more radiant.

Congrats H and J. Can’t wait to meet the newest member of the crew!


  1. I once dated someone who was the polar opposite of the couple you're describing… She was stunning in person and yet as soon as the shutter snapped she instantly morphed into a troll…It actually became embarrassing because people would come over and see photos of her and would be like… "Oh! Is that your girlfriend? Oh! Oh… Sorry…" Then they would meet her in person and be like "Oh! It's so nice to meet you! You should see the troll he used to date!"I'm not sure what happened to her… We lost touch over the years. I'm sure she went on to have a very lucrative career as a "before picture" model…

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