Gulping Maw

Ugh, I have total Computer Face right now. I have spent pretty much my entire day in front of a computer screen, which I know is not that uncommon for a lot of people, but usually I get some face time with actual humans mixed in so when I just have smoochy time with my screen all day it’s like I feel all in a daze. So what shall I do to remedy this? Blog a little bit and then watch a movie or something, probably.

My friend D got his appendix out last week, and totally didn’t tell anyone he was going into the hospital overnight. I scolded him verily for this, but then felt kind of bad about the scolding. But really, shouldn’t you tell someone you are going in to the hospital for surgery, just so that someone knows where you are and can check on you and make sure all is ok and stuff? It seems like you wouldn’t want to just be all secretive about that, right? Or am I just being weird? I’m weird so often that I can’t gauge it for myself any more.

Speaking of me being weird, I was informed last night that I am a Very Loud Drinker. Like, when I am drinking a glass of water, apparently my gulping sounds are akin to a giant glugging drain. How have I gone this far in my life and no one has told me this about myself? I am mortified that I haven’t quieted the sounds of my own glugging, but how could I when I didn’t know? I have this friend Jenny who once told me that she had this fear that she was cross-eyed, but that no one had ever told her. I tried to point out that she would have noticed her eye-position in taking a look at a photo of herself, and I also assured her that she wasn’t cross-eyed, and then I made fun of her for about five years after that for telling me that story. Now look at me- making fun of her while all the while my drinking noises could drown out a barge horn.

So far I have told you that I scolded my one friend who just got out of the hospital and that I made fun of another one for confessing a fear to me. Compassionate much? I sound like an asshole today. An ear-shattering, gulping asshole.

I just said “gulping asshole.” Nice one.

I think that Computer Face might have turned me into a mean 14 year old boy or something. I don’t know.

Nordic Boy and I have been trying to plan this big trip back to the Midwest in July. We are going to see his folks, and my folks, and friends in three states. It’s kind of complicated but totally worth it because it’s going to be SO MUCH FUN. We have been planning it for like, a year. So then last week, this big thing came up at Nordic Boy’s work and there was this four or five day stretch where we thought that he might not be able to go on the everloving trip! And I was devastated. DEVASTATED. (Missing a vacation = First World Problem, I know). There were tears, and I am not a big crier, so when the waterworks start going in my house Nordic Boy almost doesn’t know who I am. It was probably only the loud drinking sounds that helped him to recognize me. So anyway, yesterday his job-people told him that oops, did we say that you might have to miss your vacation? We didn’t mean to say that. Our bad. Which, YAY, I’m totally happy about and did a literal dance of joy when I found this out, but DANG those effers for making me cry. A pox on their houses, is what I say.

What was that? Did you say something? I couldn’t hear you, since I was taking a drink.


  1. i hope d has learned his lesson and the next time he's going under the knife, he will let his peeps know; it's just proper etiquette.

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