Kenny Rogers versus Blair Warner

Dang, and here I thought I was going to have a week where I blogged every day and then Wednesday came along and jacked it all up. Stupid Wednesday.

And you guys, Wednesday was stupid. We woke up this morning and this is how it went.

Me: I am so excited!
Nordic Boy: Why?
Me: Because it’s NOT YESTERDAY!

That’s how bad yesterday was. I’m just all aflutter because it has been flushed down the crapper.

Today is much better though, even though when I first became conscious this morning, I was skerred out of my pjs. I sort of woke up at around 5am. I rolled over and kissed Nordic Boy on the face, and right as I planted it, this scary, loud alarm went off (not the alarm clock, something louder and much more aggressive) and a robot woman’s voice said, very loudly: “CAUTION! CAUTION!”

This is not what you want to hear when you kiss your loved ones in the dead of morning.

We both woke up, and looked at each other and said “What the hell was that?” almost simultaneously. We sat up in bed and listened again. Silence. Had we both had the same dream, at the same moment?

Turns out that our smoke alarm? It talks. No shit. And the battery is low. And apparently when the battery is low, a robot lady yells “CAUTION! CAUTION!” And if you happen to kiss right at that exact moment, you just may think that your smooch caused some sort of robot police action in your home.

In other news, I am trying to settle something for myself. I have always felt a strong kinship with the chorus of the lyrics from “The Gambler” and I have often said that if my life philosophy had a theme song, it would be from good old Kenny Rogers. Yes, I have. I HAVE TOO said that. How are you going to argue with knowing when to hold ’em and knowing when to fold ’em? It is really one of the best pieces of 20th century philosophy there is to be had and I challenge you to convince me that it’s not.

Lately, though, I feel like my loyalty to living my life Gambler style has gotten some competition. What could possibly compete with never countin’ your money when you’re sitting at the table? I’ll tell you what. The Facts of Life theme song. I don’t know why, but I hummed it to myself the other day, and since then, I cannot stop thinking about it. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life. Well goddammit that is the truth, isn’t it? I mean, is that some Taoist shit or what? Really. When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams, suddenly you’re finding out the facts of life are all about you. You you you. Amen, sister. A plea for self awareness and personal responsibility. Oh yes. Alan Thicke is a fricking GENIUS for writing that, am I right?

So now I am torn. Am I a Gambler girl or a Facts of Life lady? Both of them, they speak to my soul and I feel the need to choose where I stand. Are you feeling me?

I think the robot lady needs to yell “CAUTION! CAUTION!” right about now.

Librarian Girl


  1. 1. For some reason I am picturing your smoke alarm's voice to be that of Rosie from the Jetson's.2. I had no idea about you and The Gambler! That is one of the songs I sing most often to myself while alone in the car. I don't even need the music. Ah, Kenny. Just more evidence that our similarities are downright eerie.

  2. I'm a fan of this Irish gem from traditional song, "The Moonshiner" :"I'm a rambler, I'm a gambler, I'm a long way from homeAnd if you don't like me, well, leave me aloneI'll eat when I'm hungry, I'll drink when I'm dryAnd the moonshine don't kill me, I'll live til I die"Substitute any hard time for that moonshine line, and you're good to go: And this damn job don't kill me, I'll live til I die-or-And your whining don't kill me, I'll live til I dieYou get my drift. Usually perks me right up! But as for your dilemma, The Gambler all the way, baby!

  3. My friends have a smoke alarm that yells at them in Spanish when the battery is low. They don't speak Spanish, so yeah.I love Kenny for the metaphors, but the FOL theme just gives you the straight dope, just puts it all right out there. Tough call, LG, tough call.

  4. My brain turned "Blair Warner" into "Blair Waldorf," so I was confused and couldn't understand where the Facts of Life came into the equation. Aha. Both Kenny and TFoL are full of wisdom, truly.

  5. The Facts of Life theme song is one of the top five songs the dj in my brain loves to play. I like to mentally alter the words in hilarious ways, such as by thinking of it as The Fax of Life, which could be an alternate theme song for The Office.

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