Pain in the Neck

So this weekend was in the 70s, sunshine abounding, calm breezes aplenty, making the skyscrapers in my city sparkle and the mountain peaks in the distance glisten white. There really isn’t anything like this place when it’s not frickin’ raining. It really is prettiness all over.

That sounds nice, doesn’t it? Then there was also this. I slept on my neck wrong on Thursday night and pretty much couldn’t move by Saturday night because of it. My overarching thought on this development is that GETTING OLD SUCKS PIG ASS.

Despite this, the weekend didn’t turn out all bad. I had a day off work on Friday and spent the morning being Turbo-Errand-Lady. Can I just tell you that I bank at way too many banks? I don’t know how this happened but I have accounts at three different banks. I mean, I know financial diversification is good and all but really, that’s just dumb. Especially considering how little fundage I actually have in said three banks. One of the banks I bank at (if a woodchuck could bank wood) is so clingy, it sort of scares me. Every time I go in there (which I must admit is not that often), the tellers are trying to sell me something in the most hard core way. “Can I interest you in a gold checking account? Have you considered re-financing? Are you in the market for a new credit card with bonus points and a reward system? Do you need a money market savings? Would you care to make out? Because I would totally make out with any of our customers. I am desperate for you to have a serious relationship with this bank. Please. I need every last piece of you. Please.”

You know how everyone is talking about restoring confidence in the banking system? This behavior does not restore my confidence. It’s so clingy. So desperate. Banks need to start being all “what? who are you? I think I saw you at that party the other night. You’re kind of cute. But whatever.” Then, like, EVERYONE will want to be with them.

I’m sorry, I think I just snapped out of a reverie in which the bank and I were starring in a John Hughes movie. Ex-you-zay mwah.

After that Hopscotch and I went out to lunch where we saw this businessman dude with the most Prominent Bangs Ever. They were gelled into sort of a curtain of bangs. Like The Donald took a flat iron to his bangs or something. We sort of looked at him for a minute, basking in the horror of the bangs. I’m pretty sure he thought we were yearning for him in a librarians-bangs-sandwich sort of way.

We also took a walk along Lake Washington. Which was pure gorgeousness. This was followed by a smoothie (first warm weather smoothie of the year!) and then I went home and said “ow” every time I tried to turn my neck. So that was nice.

Saturday, I worked, which was really fun considering that by this time I could only walk around in a robot-like fashion and I was seriously considering going out somewhere and buying one of those neck doughnut things. Instead I went home and took some advil and a nap, which really didn’t do jack.

That night, my friends came over to play the dumbest board game ever, which in case you didn’t know, is The Newlywed Game. It’s one of those things where it’s so bad that it turns a corner somewhere and starts to be good again. But that just may be because my friends are hilarious, in that one of them commits to a Bob Eubanks voice for the entire game (which, trust me, does not get old) when reading the questions, and another one started every answer of every question by earnestly saying “this question was a hard one for me, Bob, but I’m going to have to say…” Earnestness is key during the Newlywed Game. Other tips for playing the game include mumbling “divorce!” every time your partner’s answer doesn’t match yours (hi Hopscotch), and collectively deciphering the questions that are written with way too many pronouns. Like “What would your wife say you think about her thoughts about your appetite when it comes to her cooking?”

You are probably thinking to yourself that Nordic Boy and I don’t technically qualify as “newlyweds,” but shut up. They don’t make a “Decrepit Couple” game.

After all that frivolity I woke up on Sunday and really couldn’t move my neck. Really really. It was so not cool. So I spent the day indoors (another sunny, gorgeous day, of course), which sucked. I went outside a couple of times to sit on my front steps and talk on the phone for a bit, but that was it.

Good news is, I am pretty much back to normal today. Well, my neck is normal. Me being normal is a whole other chihuahua.

Librarian Girl


  1. Yours is one of the few blogs I read that doesn’t have pictures… I just realized that! And yet it is still one of the most entertaining.

  2. we totally played that Newlywed Board Game two years ago and it was L-A-M-E. perhaps it’s because H and I still lived in different states (one of the questions was “name the street on which your spouse gets gas”), but i blame it on our lack of a Eubanks impersonator.

  3. It sucks pig ass and all kinds of of other dirty, crusty animal ass. I think each year is a nastier animal ass. By the time I’m in the home I”ll be sucking cassowary ass.

  4. That description of our round of the Newlywed Game made me LOL–so much so that I feel compelled to use the acronym. You merely forget to mention that you and Nordic Boy were the BIG WINNERS, teaching us all that 100+ years of togetherness means you are likely to know which one of you goes to bed with more clothes on.

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