Boss Man

Someone laid a turd outside of the staff door of the library the other day. I wish that was a metaphor.

Let’s change the subject now, kay?

So for the past week or so, Nordic Boy came into contact with something that he is clearly allergic to. His arms broke out in hives, which at first we thought was maybe stress-related (it’s been fun times for him at the salary-dispersal-establishment lately), but he has never really had that happen before so we couldn’t be sure. When it first happened he went to his doctor who said that it was more likely an allergic reaction but not to worry, it will clear itself up soon. The doctor was generally wishy-washy and kind of dismissive of the level of misery that Nordic Boy had and minimized what Nordic Boy was saying. Nordic Boy tried to tell him that yes, in the grand scheme of things, it was probably a minor issue, but that he was having a horrible time dealing with it. He hasn’t been able to sleep, or do anything without constantly being driven insane by the hives. Now here we are, a couple of weeks later, and the misery has continued this whole time. It’s been terrible, really. So yesterday we went back to the doctor.

This is where I must interject that for all his mild-mannered-ness, Nordic Boy, when needed, can be straight up BOSSY. I find this very funny because I am never the target of the bossiness. So to me, it’s like his outbursts of bossy are a spectator sport. The bossy comes mainly from his line of work, where he deals with high pressure safety issues and expensive equipment and stuff, so sometimes there is no room for diplomacy. He has to bark out orders to people, to be safe. This is so unlike how he is with me that I find it supremely giggleworthy. There are times when someone will call him from work and I just sit there and listen to his side of the conversation for fun, because all of a sudden Bossy-Britches will come out and he’ll start to say something like: “NO. Stop doing that. RIGHT NOW. Have you stopped? I need you to listen to me. Stop doing that. Ok. Do this: release the air pressure from the hinky-valve until you see the tetra-gauge go down to 4.8 and then tighten it up. Don’t do anything else. I do not want to come in on Monday and see that you have done anything else. I MEAN IT.”

I mean, wow. He’s the sweetest, you guys. Really. The sweetest person you will ever meet. But when he has his Bossy Voice going, it is kind of intimidating. And funny.

There are times when the Bossy Voice will come out at kind of random times. Most of the time it’s actually kind of helpful. It’s weird how people will just sort of listen to someone if they have a Very Authoritative Voice and Manner. I have been in situations with him where like, a friend of ours is moving or something, and all of a sudden Nordic Boy will bust out with assignments. He’s never mean about it. He never yells or seems stressed out himself or anything. He is very calm, but it’s just…this tone he gets. Very rapid-fire, where you don’t really have time to think or argue back. It’ll be all “ok. So Librarian Girl, you feel like moving the boxes of books? Great. Looks like we need someone to help me with this couch. Neighbor B, can you do that? Awesome. BioGirl why don’t you go ahead and start bringing the kitchen stuff to the movie truck. Neighbor J will continue labeling boxes.” And EVERYONE JUST DOES IT. Happily. It’s weird. It’s a Bossy Voice, but more importantly, it’s a Non-Assholey Bossy Voice. It makes people ok with being bossed. Pleased about it, even.

Anyway, so back to the hives. We went to the doctor’s office yesterday. And you know how a lot doctors can be. It’s intimidating to be there, and they have seen you naked before, or at the very least in one of those tissue gowns that show your ass, and they can make you feel kind of vulnerable. I have had pretty good doctors in my life (well, except for the one who told me I was old), but still, I hate going to the doctor. It just feels sort of powerless and they can seem overpowering with all their medicalness.

But yesterday? You know what happened? Nordic Boy BOSSED THE DOCTOR.

Dudes, it was so funny, I wish you could have been there. I can’t adequately describe it. The doctor was all “ok, so the reaction didn’t go away? Hmm. Well, how much discomfort are you having, really?” and before he could go on with minimizing Nordic Boy’s troubles, Nordic Boy just went like this. “Ok, so here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to figure out what is going on with these hives and we are going to come up with a plan of action to make them go away. Right now.”

I’m not kidding. HE TOTALLY SAID THAT.

And of course, it worked. The doctor went right along with it and got serious about figuring this shit out. It was like he SNAPPED INTO ACTION. He asked Nordic Boy a bunch of questions, spent some time, took it seriously. And by the end of it, we had an actual diagnosis and plan for treatment.

You know what Nordic Boy said then?

“That sounds really great, thank you. Now we need to make sure that this is the best course of action. So you need to find another doctor in this building who has a moment to come in and give me a second opinion. Right now. I’ll wait.”

DUDES. It was like the doctor was hypnotized, because he did not hesitate to do what he was told. He cheerfully went and found another doctor to come in and re-have the whole talk with Nordic Boy and come up with a second opinion. Which was slightly different so then the three of them talked it through and a slightly modified plan of treatment was reached.

ALL DUE TO THE NON-ASSHOLEY BOSSY VOICE.

I really need to practice a non-assholey bossy voice, people. I am convinced I could rule the world if I could do that.

And also, a sidenote to Nordic Boy: so yeah, I just discussed your hivey arm-rash with the entirety of blogland. You’re welcome.

I’m out,
Librarian Girl

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11 comments

  1. This was such a great post! Especially the opening statement; it really set the mood for the post, like Nordic Boy laid a nice but firm metaphorical turd on the doctor. Anyway.This whole post I was picturing Nordic Boy walking around singing “I’m Bossy!” by Kelis (I think).

  2. Does he RENT those services OUT?? Seriously. Like a Bossy Voice for yor every need. Need to tell your manager you need a raise? Call Bossy Voice! Need to make it clear that your HMO is going to cover that prevantative procedure you needed? Hire Bossy Voice today! You guys could make some serious cash on the side…

  3. Nordic Boy should post his Bossy Voice rental rates.Is he available for parties?”Here’s what we’re going to do. Everyone get off the wall and start dancing.””Right now.”

  4. wow. i am too wimpy to even THINK about a bossy voice. so that’s pretty much awesome. also, sorry about the poo. who does stuff like that?and my captcha word is “flotlet”. like a floor toilet, perhaps?

  5. I had to clean up two cat turds off my bedroom floor last night. Seems we’re both having a “shitty” week. I wish I had a bossy voice like Nordic Boy’s. I think I could get a lot of stuff accomplished.

  6. You go, Nordic Boy! Doctors are so busy/desensitized that they often blow people off and then apologize later when it gets worse when it could have been prevented. i wish i could use my bossy voice on command, but when it does show up it’s barely audible yet scares the crap out of its recipients.

  7. My bossy voice is great. But nobody is more shocked to hear it then me. As I am talking some part of me is having an out of body experience, standing next to myself think ” wow, where did that come from? Listen to her. She kinda scary.”

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