In Your Facebook

There are many, many things I love about Facebook. I love reconnecting with people that I haven’t talked to in a long time. I love being able to see the photos of my friends and their families and trips and weddings and all. I love taking a moment out of my day to take a quiz on “Which Sweathog from Welcome Back Kotter Are You?” I love that I can Facebook Chat easily with my friends and relatives overseas. I love that it’s easy to send my friends a quick message, or link, or photo, or video or whatever. I love that it’s like having a high school/college reunion without, you know, actually having a high school/college reunion.

Those are the things I like about my Facebook experience. There are also things that confuse and perplex me. That’s right, confuse AND perplex. Both. Not at all redundant, me.

The following are some of these.

The people from middle school who send you a friend request, and you accept, and then you say hi, and they NEVER MAKE A SOUND? I mean, what is that? Why are you friending me, oh silent one who I haven’t seen since puberty? You have no interest in saying hello to me, or catching up, and yet here we are, Facebook friends. Goodie for us. This seems like the equivalent of asking me out on a date, and then sitting at the restaurant with me in silence the whole time. Which has actually happened to me, by the way. Except I was the one that didn’t talk during the date. And that was only because I was so intimidated by the boy that I clammed up like I had too much Polident in my mouth. And I don’t think that intimidation has anything to do with this behavior on Facebook. Regardless, it’s weird.

The people who were assholes in high school who continue to be assholes as grownups…on Facebook. COME ON! This is your big chance to show us all that you have changed! That you grew out of it! That you have become a decent human being! There was this one guy, who lived in my neighborhood? And although he was nice to me growing up, he was pretty much a dick to anyone that he deemed not on his level. I recently saw that he had made a high schooly dickish remark on a fellow classmate’s Facebook page. Really? Still? You’re going to go there? Gross.

Braggy braggy on the Facebook page status updates. WHAT? WHY? “Jane is wondering what she is going wear to the Oscars.” “Jack is having highballs at the London Ritz Carlton.” Jane, I remember when you barfed all over the floor during dodgeball, and Jack, I pantsed you in 9th grade and saw your skidmarks, so talk to the hand, ok?

Ladies who, instead of an actual profile photo of themselves, just put a photo of their hand with a big diamond ring on it. To be fair, none of my Facebook friends have done this, but I have seen these on the “suggested friends” lists that I get.

In “real life,” people are funny. And weird. And confusing. So too on Facebook, I suppose. At least now I know that I am 70% Vinnie Barbarino with 30% Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington mixed in. So thanks, Facebook, for that.

I’m out,
Librarian Girl


  1. someone had a profile pic of winnie the pooh and added me as a friend and said that we went to high school together.I didnt remember graduating from Disney High. PUT A REAL PICTURE PEOPLE!

  2. I had a girl from high school friend me and I later ran into her while she was working the counter at the local Walgreens. I greeted her as I would any old acquaintance who you haven’t seen in awhile. She refused to make eye contact and only said, “would you like a copy of your receipt” and “thank you” as I walked away, totally confused.After I had time to get angry about it, I decided that I wanted to delete her as a friend, only to realize that I’m too computer illiterate to know how.

  3. You are so very right and very funny. I have a hard time saying “no” so I made it so my profile will not allow people to add me as a friend without sending me a message. If they go to the trouble of sending me a message then I figure they’re doing their bit to keep the social aspect of Facebook happnin’. And I reciprocate. I don’t blindly attempt to add people. I always send a message even if it’s kind of dumb. This has also cut-down the number of requests I get from people from elementary school, etc.The feature that annoys me most about FB is the “You May Know…” sidebar. I do not need this unsolicited pressure, Facebook!I hear you and agree with you, Librarian Girl.

  4. There needs to be a Facebook Etiquette Tutorial or something on their site. Like you said, I absolutely hate it when someone, who I haven’t talked to since our high school graduation day (now going on fourteen years ago) adds me as a friend, I accept, and then I never hear anything. What is the flippin’ point, people?!? But, then I think, can I really delete them? What’s the rule??

  5. I have a friend who completely lies on her fb page – writing about trips, meeting celebrities, etc. The people who are her friend-friends, who know her now, know she’s making it all up, but those people from back in high school, who wouldn’t give her the time of day back then? Think she’s somethin-somethin now.I’m both horrified and amused.

  6. what i don’t understand are the people who are trying to collect friends like they’re trophies or something. i keep getting requests from people i never even spoke to in high school. i refuse to pump up their numbers and hit ignore.

  7. Thank you LG! You’ve just give me several more reasons to not join Facebook despite all of my friends and co-workers telling me I should. My reply of “I just don’t want to join” is wearing thin and I needed some more material.

  8. Brie, or anyone! How DO you set up FB so that ppl have to send you a message in order to invite you to be a friend? I’ve been trying to find out and have had no luck! Just joined myself so this is pretty timely, LG!

  9. Hello Jen!You can adjust your Privacy settings to make it so people have to send you a message and can’t just arbitrarily add you. Go to “Settings”Then “Privacy”Then “Search”Under “Search Results” you’ll see a series of boxes that you can check or uncheck. I have it set up so the only box checked is “A link to send me a message”. This seems to work and, as far as I can tell, makes it so strangers, etc. only see my name and have the option of sending me a message if they want to try to add me.Hope this helps!

  10. i hear you on every level. i have a love/hate relationship with facebook. i can’t really stand it but somehow i find myself drawn to it and participating almost every single day. something like a phenomenon (no, facebook and LL Cool J have nothing in common – i have no clue why this song popped into my head – but hey… it’s yours now 🙂

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