I hate to be a bore and talk about what everyone else is talking about in all media, everywhere. But yesterday was momentous, was it not? I mean come on. A bonafide Big Deal. And we lived it, all of us, together. That’s right, people. Shia LaBeouf got his driver’s license suspended, and we all had a front row seat.
Oh, and there was that other thing too. In Washington DC, I believe.
So here’s what I have to say to you about this whole Obamarama we are involved in. I HAVE GOT TO STOP CRYING. It is serious waterworks around here, and I am not used to it. I am not a crier. I hardly ever boo hoo it up and yet there I was, 8am and getting all choked up. They should call the parties after the inauguration the Inaugural Bawls, because me, crying, yes, check.
Inauguration Day Recap, here we go.
First off, I got up at the crack of ass so I could drive Nordic Boy to pick up his rental car that he took to Portland for a biznazz trip. I was sad that we weren’t going to be all Inaugural together, but I kept the pouting to myself. I did yawn at him quite aggressively though, so my feelings were not bottled up inside, in case you were concerned.
After driving him through the fog (oh my god Seattle, with the fogginess! It’s enough to make me wear my Foghat!) and back home, BioGirl came over and proceeded to be confounded by my toaster/microwave combo appliance. We narrowly escaped a waffle incident, but it all turned out ok and we settled in to watch the festivities.
I have quite a few friends that attended the Inauguration in person. And you know what? I was convinced– CONVINCED!– that I was going to spot one of them in the crowd shots on CNN. I blame Alli’s mom for this. Ever since I watched the 1996 Democratic Convention when I saw Mrs. Alli’s Mom dancing the Macarena on the convention floor, I am sure I am going to see people I know in crowd shots on tv. Alas, it didn’t happen this time. Still, friends, I was thinking of you. It looked COLD. And I didn’t see where they could fit enough port-a-potties in that mix either. I am still waiting to hear from a lot of them and I fear that the communication silence is due to some horrible lack of Pee Booths incident. How that would cause someone to go missing, I haven’t really thought through.
So the coverage. First of all, the entrances. It was like a debutante ball, wasn’t it? All the dignitaries walking in and finding their seats, blahdiddy blah blah. I must be getting old because I kept looking at the politicians and thinking that they looked older than I remember. George Bush Sr? ANCIENT! I remember when he was kicking up his heels and puking on the Japanese prime minister. Ah, how time passes. On the other hand, Jimmy Carter looks spry. And when do you really have a chance to use the word “spry?” But that’s what he looked like. He shoulda rubbed it in everyone else’s face a little, is what I think. Dontcha wish your girlfriend was SPRY LIKE ME? And jeez louise could Cheney look any more sinister? It’s like he practices looking sinister in the mirror. Instead of Tyra-style smiling with his eyes, he seems to drip scariness. That sounded gross. But then again, he kind of is gross. Then W comes in and is it just me or does he always look super duper confused? It’s like he doesn’t seem to know where he even is. And to change the subject to something more awesome, god bless Aretha Franklin and her milliner, whoever that may be. You know you were thinking that too. The Clintons looked nice. Oh, and the Obama daughters? Clearly are on a strict diet of Cute Juice, because sheesh. The cuteness kind of smacks you in the face a little. Michelle Obama also kind of knocks me out each time I look at her. Do you think she had fleece lining inside that dress? Because she didn’t look cold, but she must have been right?
Then, Obama comes in. Could he have looked any more calm and collected? That dude is one cool customer. Perhaps inside his head he was all “ohmygodohmygodohmygod.” Because wow. Talk about pressure.
Then Rick Warren spoke. Phooey on you-ey, Rick.
That song that Yo Yo Ma and Company played was really sad sounding. Me and BioGirl got all teary listening to it, in a sort of sad way. Did I mention that I am a big ass crybaby these days?
Then Chief Justice Roberts (who I can’t help but think of as Dread Pirate Roberts), screwed up the oath. Talk about a whoopsie. Listen, it could have been worse. He could have accidentally said “fuckface” or something, which is a fear that I have. That I will accidentally say “fuckface” or the like at the wrong moment.
Then the speech was made. And I choked up again. WHAT THE FUCK.
And then the poem, and the final prayer, and putting Bush in his helicopter, and the parade, and the balls. I laughed every time Anderson Cooper said “each of the balls,” I am not ashamed to admit this.
Plus, tonight I get to watch it all over again when Nordic Boy gets home from his trip, since he missed the whole dang thing because he was on the road. I’m sure I will be a crying freak the second time around too.