Do you guys remember that awful rapper named “Snow?” Who sang that ridiculous “licky boom boom down” song? That song is SO NOT RIGHT. Even worse is that it is a beautiful winter wonderland outside right now and my first thought when I look at it is that effin’ song. Yick.
So for those of you that bore the brunt of my caterwauling about the cold weather in Seattle the other day, sorry about that. I had my moment there, and then I commenced with the Shutting Up The Complainy Weather Talk. I mean, really. Boo hoo, my life is so hard, I have to deal with snow. Yeesh. What an ignoramus I can be.
But yes, there is snow here. For Seattle, it’s actually quite a bit of snow, and the fact that it’s been the second big snow within a week (with another big one coming this weekend) has been all the talk around here. I have taken some walks around my neighborhood and around my workplace this week in the snow, and it feels very normal and nostalgic for me. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I MISS the midwest snowfall, but it does hearken me back to my own days of yore.
Some random thoughts about snow…
When I was a kid, I had to walk around my block in order to catch the bus to get to school. Words cannot express how deeply and how accutely felt was the hatred in my heart, trudging through the drifts each day. I was not a huge fan of school to begin with, and so it was an extra insult to me that I had to put in that much effort just to get there. Fuckin’ bus stop. It kind of plucks my last nerve just thinking about it now.
At school, there was always a STRICT NO TOLERANCE POLICY about throwing snowballs on school grounds. I mean, it was big, hairy trouble if you even THOUGHT about making a snow ball, let alone throw it at someone. This was probably a very good policy, as snowballs often hurt like hell. Chances are there’s going to be some really hard snow in there, or even ice. Accidentally (or on purpose?) get a rock or two in there and it ain’t no joke. The bad part of this policy was that as soon as you crossed the boundary from “on school grounds” to “off school grounds”? It was Snow Ball Armageddon. It was like all the pent up no-snowball energy was released right outside of school and so as soon as you stepped foot out there each afternoon you had better say your prayers because you were for serious about to get creamed.
And speaking of getting obliterated? I had two older brothers. And when we would play out in the snow, they and their friends would throw a lot of snowballs. And they would often want to have a sort of target practice. So they would tell me to go stand in front of our closed garage door so that they would have a nice target to aim at. AND I WOULD DO IT. Listen, I never said I was the brightest bulb in the socket.
Although there was a strict no tolerance policy against snowballs in my school, there was no rule against grabbing a handful of snow and shoving it down a classmate’s shirt, or if you were extra talented, down a classmate’s pants. We were very classy children where I grew up.
As a teenager, sometimes my friends and I would go to a local empty parking lot in the car and do doughnuts on the ice in our cars. We got pretty damn good at it. Don’t tell my parents about that one, ok?
We would sled down hills using the tops of garbage cans. This seems very antiquated and Oscar-the-Grouch-ish to me now. Sometimes, if the streets in my neighborhood were icy enough, we would just sled down on our butts without a sled of any kind. That seems very tough and badass, don’t it?
Lots of kids would wear snow suits. In Michigan they were not called snow suits. They were called “snowmobile suits.” They looked especially sassy with a nice pair of moon boots.
In gym class in middle school, we took a whole unit on snowmobile safety and certification. I think my mom still has my certification card somewhere. I have never in my life actually been on a snowmobile, but goldangit I am certified.
Even in the dead of winter, we always still had recess outside at school. I remember huddling with my friends and the recess ladies near the doorway, all bundled up. Good times.
I never ate snow. I thought it was gross. I also never got my tongue caught on a frozen metal surface, but I know kids who did. They were always teased to high heaven.
We never, and I mean NEVER, had a snow day. I don’t care if there was 6 feet of snow on the ground, you were going to school. It sucked.
These are my snow-related thoughts for today, people. Hope you have learned a little something, even if it’s only that when your brothers ask you to go stand in front of a wall of some kind while they make up a pile of snowballs, DON’T DO IT.