Crappy Christmas, quite literally

You know what? I’m not a first impression person. Heck, I am not even a second impression person. It takes a long time for people to warm up to me. I don’t know why that is. BioGirl thinks that it starts with the fact that my “resting face” is very serious looking. You know, when you aren’t talking or interacting with anyone, but just walking down the street or whatever? The look on your face when you’re doing that is your resting face. Your neutral face. And mine, apparently, is way serious. I concede that. It’s true. But really, who has a resting face that’s smiley? Wouldn’t that be freaky, in a scary clown sort of way?

Resting face or not, it still is true that people don’t take to me right away. I don’t know why. I guess I should ask them, once we’ve gotten over all that. All of my friends? Are friends that simmered a good long time before busting out into full-on friendship. Like, months. Sometimes years. Not because of me. I usually invite people to things, or open up conversations with people, and they usually respond politely. But on-the-spot friendship? Where people just click? That doesn’t happen to me. Sometimes I feel like I totally click with people, but then I see that they are just not feeling the love back. Until later. I will win you over eventually, home slice. It’s only a matter of time. You will love me. Oh yes, that’s right. It’s a threat. Out of all my close friends, I can only think of one in my life that has ever clicked right from the beginning, and it was Nordic Boy so that doesn’t seem to even count.

I don’t know where I am going with this. I just think it’s weird. It’s like people are scared of me at first or leery of me. Or something. I don’t get it. Do I seem scary to you?

Don’t answer that.

So since I have been a Very Bad Blogger lately, I have missed telling you all sorts of kooky things. Here are some.

1. A few weeks ago, I went to see “Quantum of Solace.” I found it delightful. Adding to the delightfulness that is Daniel Craig beating the shit out of people in a stylistic manner, there was this lady sitting behind me in the theater who was almost more entertaining than the movie. Every time someone would get hit, or fall down, or crash their car, or do anything that involved getting hurt, this lady would go “Ooof!” or “Ow!” or “gasp!” or “oh!” or “yah!” She was feeling each impact, viscerally. And there are a lot of moments like this in that movie. In fact, that’s pretty much all there is in the movie. She oofed and ouched herself every two seconds. It made me giggle throughout.

2. Thanksgiving was also nice. Good eats, good friends, good times.

3. My mom and dad always give Nordic Boy and me a little cashola for the holidays. Rather than buy us something that we don’t want, need, and will most likely give away (you know how I am about accumulating stuff), they figure that we can just buy ourselves something. Plus, it gets them off the hook for having to shop and send something. Nice, right? My parents are very unconditional givers- they really just want us to get something we want or need. Still, there are things that they, especially my mom, would be more happy giving us than other things. Like, if I were to tell her that I was going to just put the money towards groceries, or the mortgage or something, that would be ok, but not exciting. Not giftie enough, you know? Last year, we got ourselves a fancy Kitchenaide mixer. She was so stoked for us that it made the gifting that much more fun. She felt like she bought us something that we maybe wouldn’t have bought for ourselves, a real treat of a gift. So this year, we are trying to come up with something that is likewise exciting. In November, I would put out feelers when I talked to my mom.

Me: I was thinking about using that money to buy ourselves that new bathroom window we need to get.
Her: Ok, sweetie. That sounds fine.

Not too excited about THAT idea. On to the next…

Me: Or, I don’t know. We have always had our hearts set on one of those robot vacuum cleaners. That would be pretty cool.
Her: Sure. Don’t you already have a vacuum cleaner?
Me: Yeah, we do. It’s just the robot part that seems cool.
Her: Ok, sweetie. That sounds fine too.

Not excited, once again. Back to the drawing board. What to buy, what to buy? It’s got to be something holiday-ish. Something sparkly. Something cute and expressive of parental love.

The other day, Nordic Boy and I were at Ecohaus, a sort of environmental home store. We turn a corner, when Nordic Boy says…

Him: I know! I have the perfect idea for what we can spend our holiday money from your parents on!
Me: Really? What?
Him: (pointing) THAT.
Me: Dude, you are NOT pointing at a toilet right now.
Him: Not just a toilet! A dual-flush, environmentally friendly toilet! It’s on our list of things we need for the house eventually. But if we go in for half, and your mom goes in for half, we can do it now!
Me: A toilet? You want me to call up my sweet little mom, and announce to her that we have spent her holiday money on a TOILET?
Him: What? It’s awesome!
Me: (walking away, giving him the hand)
Him: What?

So far, the toilet has been our best option to date. What do you think? Shall I tell my mom that she will be helping us purchase a Christmas Crapper?

I don’t know. I just don’t think I can do it.

I’m out,
Librarian Girl


  1. Shoot, I’d like ya right away. I have that serious face thing too. We could sit together and look serious and wait for some goofy clown-faced person to do some tricks for us.

  2. ohhh Ive had such a crappy day.. but this post sent me in a fit of giggles!I dont know. But I think I can def say that your mom will not say “Okay sweetie, that’s fine”.She might actually pause and say “A Toilet?”Just like how all of us did.

  3. Maybe they’ll just go with the flow (ha! get it? flow? groooooaaaan, bad joke, couldn’t resist) and say absolutely sweetie, that’s a fab idea. Then when they get off the phone they’ll chuckle at how crazeee you kids are and the lurve will be felt by all…

  4. i say tell her. as the book says, everybody does it, and it’s nice you guys are looking into making your bathroom more environmentally friendly.h’s sister tells her students she has “an unfortunate neutral face” every time one of them comes up to her after lecture and asks if she’s ok or if she’s sad. people tend to smile at me randomly on the street, so i wonder if i’m one of those freaks with a smiley neutral face, which is a little disturbing to think about.

  5. I would say you are reserved, so maybe one doesn’t know if you like them or not. But then, I have the same response from people. They will tell me later that I am nothing like what they expected when they met me. (read in, boring, prudish mom, perhaps a bit judgmental…) Thank goodness they find out that I am just a bit boring and a mom, and not the other things.

  6. Not knowing you or your mother, I feel very confident in saying you should DEFINITELY get the crapper. You’ll be saving the earth, and your mother will be happy knowing you are both regular. PS – I also have a serious face. 😐

  7. I have a fondness for toilets. After all, I was sitting on one when I decided on my career change.That said, they aren’t very GIFTY. Plus, they sound like something you would save up for and buy yourself. You need to pick something that you would ONLY EVER purchase with found money. Something you would pine away for in a catalog or storefront, but tell yourself “our old mixer is perfectly good,” and move on.

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