Nordic Boy and I had never shopped at Eddie Bauer. No offense to Eddie Bauer, just…we never did. Never even went it there. It was never a store that spoke to us (hi marketing, you really do control our minds), even though in some ways that makes no sense at all. I mean, they have t-shirts and hoodies. Nordic Boy is a big fan of t-shirts and hoodies. And they have jeans. And we wear jeans. But all those down vests in the ads? Not for us. And the sweaters with snowflake patterns? No way, Beyonce.
No judgment. Just not our store.
So, my jeans connection, the place where I have bought my jeans for at least the past 5 years or so? DISCONTINUED MY JEANS. Damn Lucky Brand store. No more jeans for me. They no longer love me and so what? I no longer love them. I’m not scared. There are jeans everywhere! I am a consummate fashionista! I can find jeans! NO PROBLEMO.
I know I am not saying anything new here, but DANG. Women’s jeans? HARD TO FIND.
What is going on with women’s jeans? Every store has jeans and they all have them in multiple cuts and shapes. Curvy! Straight leg! Skinny! Classic! Relaxed!Boyfriend! Loose Fit! Low Rise! Mid Rise! Bell! Essential!
NONE OF THESE FIT ME, PEOPLE.
Am I a freak? No. Because ask any one of my friends, and they shall tell you their own tale of woe about finding jeans that fit them right. It seems we all have them. Are you listening fashion designers of the world? Jean cuts SUCK. Next time you walk down the street? Look around at the denim-clad ladies around you. People are wearing jeans that don’t fit them. Like, almost everyone. I spent the weekend a couple of weekends ago jeans shopping, and I was taking note of every ass-in-jeans that passed by and it was pitiful. Pi-tee-full.
This is why, when people find the jean that fits them, they have such loyalty to it. This is also why they sort of lose they motherflippin minds when their jeans connection is taken away.
ANYWHO. This is all to preface the fact that Nordic Boy and I went into an Eddie Bauer for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I had gone to just about every other jeans store I could think of, and this was the last stop. And although I was there, and it was fine, I suppose, I think we may have a block. A mental block. Blocking out Eddie Bauer.
Skip ahead to last week, when Nordic Boy was in Portland on business and he called me up in the evening.
Him: Before I head to dinner, I might go look for some new work shirts.
Me: Where are you going to look?
Him: Maybe I’ll stop in to that one place that we went to last week. Mr. Bean.
Me: MR. BEAN?
Him: Yeah, you know. That store.
Me: First of all, I think you mean LL BEAN.
Him: Oh, yeah- right.
Me: Second of all we’ve never been to an LL Bean. So what I think you mean to say is Eddie Bauer.
Him: Eddie Bauer, LL Bean, it’s all the same, right?
Me: Sure. Eddie, LL, Mr. Bean. Whichever.
Then? This weekend? I was going to head over to the local shopping area in my hood.
Me: Yeah, I’m going to go check out those jeans again.
Him: Which ones?
Me: The J Crew ones.
Him: Since when do you shop at J Crew?
Me: Since we went there last week! And you went there in Portland!
Him: That wasn’t J Crew! That was LL Bean!
Me: You mean Eddie Bauer!
Him: YOU mean Eddie Bauer!
Me: We BOTH mean Eddie Bauer!
Him: Say hi to Mr. Bean for me.
Me: I will.