FAQ Attack

Hey people. I love getting da emailz from alla yous. But there are some things that get asked over and over again, and that are prolly pretty apparent if you’ve been reading my crap for a while, but if you’re new, it’s like coming in to the middle of a movie and being all “who was that guy? why is he killing him? why is she chasing her?” Not that there is a lot of killing and chasing going on around here, but you catch my drift. So, for those questions that keep coming up, I am going to attach this to my “about me” page. I think I have all the most-asked questions covered, plus a couple of things I just threw in. If I think of more frequently asked questions, I will add them on. Cool? Cool.

LG’s FAQ: answers to stuff readers often ask, especially if you’re new around here.

1. Where do you work?

I work for a large urban public library system. I get off on things like Intellectual Freedom. I will defend everyone’s right to access information in order to build an informed citizenry. And also everyone’s right to read Mary-Kate and Ashley paperbacks.

2. So you check books in and out to people all day long? Or shush people all day long? Or sit in a cardigan and read all day long?

At my job, I help people do research, recommend books to people, answer reference questions, teach people how to find information, run library events and programs, maintain part of the collection, make booklists for people, go out into the community to promote reading, and many other things. As for sitting around and reading books all day long and getting paid for it? I wish.

3. And about that cardigan thing in the last question…

Even though I am a librarian, I do not wear glasses (not even hipster ones), I do not wear my hair in a bun, I do not wear sweater sets or clunky shoes. This means that I also will not be able to whip my glasses off and take my hair down and go wild after dark like a Skinemax movie. Sorry. Also, please stop making jokes to me about how Sarah Palin looks like a “sexy librarian.” Every time you say that, a unicorn dies.

4. What’s with you and Nordic Boy?

Nordic Boy is my dude. In my objective opinion, I think he is the best person ever made. We have been together for eons and eons, since before the advent of dinosaurs. As of this writing, that means sixteen years. Saying that makes me feel older than dirt. Even though we’ve known each other for a long time, I do not feel like my relationship is “work” although I hear you’re supposed to think that way according to Dr. Phil which totally makes it true. Maybe someday it’ll be work, but not so far. Being around him is the easiest, funnest thing I have ever done. I will wait while you finish barfing before I continue.

5. How did you and Nordic Boy meet?

I wrote about that here. Then here. Then here.

6. Are you and Nordic Boy married?

ZZZZZZ. That question bores me. What would change about the way you think of me if I said yes? Or no? Does it matter if I am a Miss or a Mrs.? Not to me it don’t.

7. Who is BioGirl? Your sister? Your best friend? Your imaginary soulmate? Your hand twin?

BioGirl is my bff. Many readers seem to think we are related (maybe because we share the last name “Girl”?) but that’s ok since she is actually more like a sister than a friend. We are almost telepathic with each other at this point, but we still manage to talk ourselves hoarse anyway. She is a marine biologist but she does not work with whales or dolphins or orcas, which seems to be everyone’s only impression of marine biology. I blame Seaworld. Her PhD had to do with barnacles and from her years of study I learned that barnacles have huge penises. Thank you Stanford for allowing her to study well-hung arthropods (is that even right? Are barnacles arthropods?) because it has given us reams of glee.

8. Where are you from? Like, where are you from-from? Like, what is your ethnicity? You are brown and I must know why!

My family is from Fiji. Our ethnicity is Indian, but the transition from India to Fiji happened like, back in the 1800s, so I’m Indian…but islander. It’s complicated. Also, I was born in Flint, Michigan. And I lived in Chicagoland, and also Madison, Wisconsin and a few other midwest places. And now Seattle. So I guess I am a midwest-south-pacific-east-indian-pacific-northwesterner. As Gayatri Spivak would say, just call me a hyphenated identitarian. It’s easier.

9. Did you just say Gayatri Spivak?

Oh yeah. I am a geek in disguise. Don’t tell anyone.

10. What is the story with your past as a ballerina? Do you miss it?

I was a ballet dancer in my youth and went to lots of fancy schools at a wee age and danced alongside famous ballet dancers that you only would care about if you were a ballet dancer yourself which most likely you are not. What this means for me these days is that I have the knowledge in my heart that I peaked at age fifteen in terms of impressive achievements and so I can just coast along for the rest of my life without much ambition because it all burned out a long time ago and now I keep myself busy with hippy new age sounding things like living in the now and being happy. Plus I no longer have to wear leotards every damn day. The biggest lasting remnant of my dance career is the fact that shoes are never uncomfortable to me. Also yes, I do miss it.

11. Siblings?

I have two older brothers and one older sister. They are older than me by kind of a lot. This means that they still say things to me like “you can drive? Weird.” Like me, they all seem a lot younger than they actually are. That’s true of my parents too. I don’t know what that is about my family. It’s like our maturity is stunted or we’ve been sipping a Ponce De Leon Fountain soda or something.

12. You seem to do a lot of work on that house of yours. Can you give me any pointers?

Nordic Boy and I bought a house a couple of years ago, which is exactly what we wanted. Small, mid-century, in a great neighborly neighborhood. Yes, we work on it a lot. By we I mean he. So no, I have no pointers. Other than to get yourself a dude who knows how to build houses.

13. What is your favorite….

Although I love pop culture as if I birthed it from my loins, I do not have favorites. No favorite song, no favorite band, no favorite movie, no favorite book. Everyone is always asking me about favorites and I just don’t have one. OK? Stop asking me about favorites! It’s too much pressure!

14. I don’t like pressure.

15. I love your blog design. Where’d you get it?

The illustration was done by my friend Neighbor J. The layout was pulled together by my other friend Josh. You should hire them to design stuff for you too.

16. I would like to be a librarian. How do you do it? Will you look at my resume?

Get yourself to graduate school. It will be painful. Very, very painful. Like, you-will-curse-the-day-I-was-born-for-telling-you-to-go and shake-your-fist-at-this-blog-screen-in-despair painful. But the rewards are worth it.


  1. I have a series that I show my students called “The Animated Encyclopedia” (dictionary, atlas, ad nauseum) and they sing about a “Faq Attack”. Now I have that song running through my head.It keeps repeating as I sit here checking out books in my cardigan, in between reading books.Thanks a lot.

  2. Yes, barnacles are arthropods. Guess what LG, knowing that makes you an honorary marine biologist! And I never noticed we have the same “last name” for some reason. Maybe we really are related…

  3. I think I knew all, or most of it, too. But you know what important knowledge I did take from this post? BARNACLES HAVE HUGE PENISES! Who knew?? Yay!

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