You know what else happened on our tripsie down the coast? Lots of stuff.
First of all, BioGirl and I played it cool for the entire time, even though it was our big reuniting moment. She’s coming home! We’ll be in the same town! No more studenting for her! So many reasons to get excited. Like, you know how, when some women get engaged, they announce it to their friends by not saying a word, but just waving their engagement ring around, and then the bride to be and the girlfriends squeal and grab each other and jump up and down? That’s the level of excitement that we should have been feeling. And trust me, we were feeling it. (And before I go on with this train of thought can I just ask you if women really behave this way other than on tv? Do they really wave engagement rings in their friends’ faces and then have a squealfest with all the jumpy jumpy? Because I have never seen it for real. People I know do not do that. At least not in my presence. So I am having doubts about whether it actually happens that way. Can anyone enlighten me? Have you seen it happen? Have you done the jumpy-squeal yourself? I want to know).
BioGirl and I didn’t jump up and down. We didn’t squeal. We maybe hugged, I think, but I can’t really remember. I don’t know what this is about us. We are famous for playing it cool in these types of situations with each other for some reason. We are both, by nature, not really high-drama type people, so maybe that is part of it. I don’t know. The other part of the equation was that we were both so damn tired by the time we saw each other that we could barely see straight. And this moment, her moving back to Seattle, has been so anticipated, so talked about, so focused on for both of us for so long, that I think we just COULD NOT COPE. Throughout the weekend and the drive back, this was all we could muster, here and there.
Her: Dude, I am totally moving back home.
Me: I know.
Her: It’s so WEIRD.
Me: WAY WEIRD.
We must have had that conversation about twenty times over the past few days. Sometimes there would be a little variation.
Me: I was thinking about how, if I want to go to a movie, or a party, or whatever, I could just call you. And you could go with me. Like any time.
Her: I know. Or like, if I am hanging out at home, and I wanted to veg out and watch tv, I could call you and you could come over and we could just…do that.
Her: WAY WEIRD.
This is what we did all the way home. Oh, that and also we went over lots of checklists. Moving cities? It involves lots of tasks. Checklisty type tasks. So there was a lot of that too.
BioGirl has been in a bit of a bubble for the past little while, what with writing a thesis and all. So after the first day of driving, we stopped in Ashland, Oregon again (without the forsooths and forthwiths this time) for her first non-student, non-California night out.
We walked around town, which was really, really dead as it is off-season there and also it was a Monday night. We found our way to a Thai restaurant which looked great and ended up tasting great too. The only thing wrong with it? Was the fact that there was all this really weird art on the walls. It was like an amateur who was trying to imitate Patrick Nagel picked up some paints and did some crazy stuff. There was an oil portrait of a boy and two girls, all of whom were dressed like they were heading to prom in 1986. One of the girls had one hairy arm. She also had no legs and a reddish drip where her nether regions should have been. It was not appetizing, people.
We were so tired by this point that all three of us almost peed ourselves laughing over the artwork. It was very classy and mature of us. Ashland, you know you love us!
Then we went back to the hotel room. We tried to find a movie to watch on tv, and there was really nothing catching our attention. So I turned on “Girls Next Door” on E. That show is messed up, right? We all know this. But you know what makes it even worse? Explaining the Girls Next Door to someone who has never seen it.
BioGirl: So who are these women?
Me: They are Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends. He has three. That’s Holly. She’s the top of the hierarchy. The other two are newer.
BioGirl: They’re his girlfriends. All of them.
Me: Yeah. And it’s their job to live there and throw parties.
BioGirl: So, it’s their job to be his girlfriends?
Me: Well, I think. I mean, I don’t know. It seems like it’s their job. But they say that they love him. But that might be part of their job too. To say that.
BioGirl: So does Holly get paid more?
Me: I don’t know that they are paid. I’m just saying, they have a role to play at the mansion.
BioGirl: You actually don’t have any idea what this show is about do you? You’re faking knowledge about the Girls Next Door!
Me: A little.
The following day, we drove into town, unloaded our stuff, and by the next day, BioGirl was ensconsed in her new apartment. That’s right, I said ensconsed.
It’s been over a week, but I still keep having these moments where I think about her being back here and I just can’t think anything but this: