I haven’t forgotten all those questions you guys asked me last week, I really haven’t. A couple of you got me started on that whole Nordic Boy story so the other questions got set aside. And I promise you that I will answer them, but first? I have to tell you two things.
1. When Nordic Boy read the last few posts, this is what he said: “Wow, you really shortened that story up. Way to edit!” So, as long as it might have seemed, it was really the Reader’s Digest Condensed version. You’re welcome.
2. How did I celebrate Leap Day last week? Why I am so glad you asked me.
I went rollerskating.
When I got invited to go rollerskating, there was a part of me that was sad. Because I knew that rollerskating is not what it once was back when I knew it and loved it. I mean, then it was Xanadu and Skatetown USA. Now it’s all BreakSk8. I knew, going in, that my nostalgia was about to be smashed and I was going to feel like the busted up granmaw that I am.
Boy when I am wrong, I am wrong, people.
That place? Was straight outta the early 80s! Like, not in a retro on-purpose way. In a this place was made in the 80s way and NOTHING HAS BEEN UPDATED.
Forget updated. I don’t think things have even been cleaned.
When we walked in, Nordic Boy looked at me and says “Wow. Eau de Sweaty Socks.” Normally, that shit would make me run in the opposite direction. But this time, I settled in. Because rollerskating rinks, the way I remember them, aren’t supposed to smell like roses. Right?
When we got in there, it was a TOTAL TIME WARP. Just like I remembered! A bunch of people, skating in a big circle. What a weird thing to do, when you really think about it. A disco ball in the middle. Colored lights. Blue slushies and corn dogs on sale. A dude with a handle-bar mustache who polices the place and calls out things like “ALL SKATE!” and “BACKWARDS ONLY!”
When I was a kid, I wasn’t a champion rollerskater or anything, like I couldn’t do any tricks of any kind, but I was passable. I could go around in that incessant circle just fine. I never had any embarrassing wipeouts, like a lot of my friends do.
Rather, I didn’t have any wipeouts, UNTIL NOW.
It was really quite spectacular, actually. It happened back in a corner where none of my friends were, so no one that I knew got to see the fabulosity with which I fell. This may sound ridiculous, but I was kind of disappointed. I mean, if you are going to have a balls out crash, and no one sees it, what is the effin’ point? It’s like the tree falling in the forest with no one there to hear it.
The fall had chapters. It wasn’t like I was up and then I was down, all quick. Oh no. It was layered. It went on and on. It was the fall that kept on falling.
First, I was skating along nicely. I had a couple of “whoa!” moments, but overall, I was fine. Then, all of a sudden, the whoa got out of control, so I reached out with my right hand to grab onto the railing on the wall. I grabbed on, but forgot to put my toe down to stop myself, so instead of slowing down, I somehow managed to turn myself around. Completely. So now I am skating backwards, with my right hand still touching the wall, which is now on my left. Nordic Boy was behind me and he started to skate over because it was so obvious that I was GOING DOWN in a big way, but he was too late. I fell, and unfortunately, I landed on my right knee. As soon as I felt that impact, I tried to do whatever I could with shifting my weight to get myself off that knee because, you know, OW. Which resulted in me sort of rolling to the side in a very Aikido like way. The big finish being me, in sort of a fetal position, as the rest of the skaters rolled by.
It was a proud moment in my life.
I sat it out for most of the night after that, as my knee was kind of throbbing and making this alarming clicking noise. Nordic Boy skated the rest of the night away, until he ended up flat on his back with his skates in the air. Then he was done after that.
The grace. It is unparalled.