Well look at me. Non-posting foo’, I am. My week has been filled with disgruntlement and general poopy-pants-ness and as you all know by now, I am not a disgruntled person by nature, and so when I get a case of the Grumpies (sort of like a case of the Mondays and just as annoying), I just sort of shut up. Because who wants to read complainy complainerson go on and on about things of little consequence?
You do, right? Because that’s what you’re gonna get today. Apologies in advance.
My Week of Superficial Complaints That Don’t Really Matter In the GRAND SCHEME of things.
1. People in traffic. I am talking to you. Why all the anger, my pretties? You’re just driving. And how does yelling and honking and going all Lou Ferrigno on other drivers help you? Please. You are harshing my mellow.
2. My neighbor, who has boughten up the perfectly lovely house next door and has been renovating it into the nastiest piecemeal McMansion monstrosity ever. You have to stop adding on. It’s too big. And too ugly. And stop asking us if you can build just a little bit over into our property line, because NO, you can’t. You already have a bazillion square feet over there and you don’t need to colonize us with your Manifest Destiny of Home Expansion. Stop the insanity. And again, NO MORE ASKING.
3. Dude who was standing outside of my car door while I waited to pick Nordic Boy up from the rental car place this morning. Step back please. Despite what you may have heard, standing one foot away from a woman’s car door and staring at her through the window with a wide-eyed, unblinking stare is not cute. Yes, even when you do that for a whole five minutes. Still not cute.
4. Martha Stewart. Boy you are cranky and rude to your guests on your tv show. I adore your website and tried to watch your show, but man. I thought you would have more manners and stuff. You are one grumpy lady. And apparently it is contagious.
5. On a related TV note, Charlie Rose, will you stop doing episodes about the failing economy? I know it’s good to keep up with current events, and that’s one of the reasons I watch you (the other being that I swear that you are stoned in most of your shows and this entertains me) but every day with the economic downturn? It’s way depressing Charlie. I know, I know. If I am looking for cheery rainbows, maybe this isn’t the show I need to be watching. You have a point. I’m switching to Facts of Life reruns.
6. My old neighborhood. This isn’t a grumpy one, just a sad one. My mom tells me that things are falling apart around there. People I have known my entire life are getting old, and getting sick, and having lots of serious troubles. I kind of can’t stop thinking about it this week. It’s sad.
7. Basement room. Stop flooding and stuff. You’re being a real drag.
8. Heating bill. Ouch.
See, none if it, except for the old neighborhood stuff, is really a big deal. But for some reason it is combining into a disgruntled mess.
I think the real thing is I work too frickin’ much and I need a vacation.
I’ll be better next week. I promise.