Lonesome Librarian

I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret. I’ve been feeling lonely lately. I am not a wallowing, sad sack type by nature, so when I get to feeling this way, it kind of throws me for a loop. When the lonliness sets in, where do you put it?

I know that I am inundated with social happenings, so it seems a weird thing to feel lonesome. It’s not a lack of people around me that I am feeling, it’s the lack of specific people that I miss so much. Usually, I am a career long-distance champion. I grew up with most of my extended family living on an island in the South Pacific without ready access to telephones and getting to see them only once every two or three years. I have lived my entire adult life across the country from my beloved mom and dad. I know how to manage having people far away, as my phone bill and snail mail tendencies will illustrate. I am a five-star keeper-in-touch lady. If you are important to me, we’ll talk often, and lovey feelings will remain in tact. This is totally second nature to me 99% of the time. But when that last 1% hits, it hits kind of hard. It gets blown all up out of proportion and starts to feel a little ridiculous, but not any less real. I miss my peeps, you guys. My parents. My pals Alli and Map, who I wish lived down the street from me like they used to when we were kids, instead of ten billion states away. Biology Girl and Neighbor J, my two best friends who are far away and each busy nurturing a newborn PhD thesis and a newborn baby, respectively (sorry Bio-Girl, but the baby is way cuter than that thesis of yours). Nordic Boy being away on business each week. I am good at being alone, but sometimes, the aloneness can feel…palpable.

Wow, see what you get when I have to post every day? You don’t know what you’re going to get- I usually wait until I am my usual chipper funny girl mood to post. But now, I just have to run with what I am thinking about for the day. There is not one lick of pop culture fun in me this morning, unless you want me to talk about my thoughts on how Kris Jenner on Keeping Up with the Kardashians looks like Cruella DeVille? Anyone? Anyone? I didn’t think so.

The good news is that, for whatever reason, my genetic makeup seems to be that I am unable to feel bad about shit for more than like, a couple of hours. It’s like I get sick of the whining in my own head and I tell myself to shut the hell up and get on with things. I’m a glass half full kind of person, despite the fact that “glass half full” is sort of an annoying expression. I’ll feel the lonely for a little bit, then I start to tell myself that hey, at least I have these people in my life who love me, even if they are not in the exact geographic location that I would prefer them to be. In fact, I am hearing that voice in my head right now. Shut up. Get on with things. You’re right. Totally right.

Oops, I think I just let the cat out of the bag that I hear voices in my head and I talk back to them. Well. Now you know that.

Anyway, one thing I don’t miss? You guys! Wait, that came out wrong. What I mean is, blog friends are awesome.

So, to recap.
1. If you’re a loved one of mine and you’re out there reading this, I miss you.
2. Mrs. Jenner probably wears puppy coats.
3. I feel bad sometimes, but not too bad, because that’s a waste of time.
4. Blog friends rock the hizzy.
5. Lastly, I hear voices.

Tell me, what do you do to cheer yourself up?

I’m out,
Librarian Girl

P.S. Hey Library Guy, if you’re reading this, you commented last week that you are doing NaBloPoMo, but I don’t have your link. Email it to me or comment it, wouldja? I want to read you.

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15 comments

  1. I miss you too LG! And I agree that Neighbor J’s baby is WAY cuter than my thesis! Just a few more months…And nothing cheers me up more than a phone call to LG, Haagen Dazs coffee ice cream, and a TV show marathon. In that order.

  2. i feel your long-distance pain, my friend. when i’m battling it, i usually pick up the phone and start complaining or immerse myself in some terrible, terrible television.or else i’ll eat a toasted peanutbutter sandwich. actually, i could really go for one of those right now.

  3. There must be something in the water–I was having a lonely weekend. Lots of moping and wondering if all of my friends and their new boyfriends were going to leave me alone and desolate for the rest of my life (yikes). But then I watched a good movie, drank a glass of wine (or three), read a good book and thought “if they were here, I wouldn’t be doing this.” It didn’t help completely but I think being a little lonely makes you appreciate when you’re not. God I sound like a hallmark card. Either way, I’m sending you lots of happy blog friend thoughts.

  4. I get that way, too, because none of my best peeps live in my city. The closest is four hours away by car, which is mostly unacceptable. I call them. I call lots of people and stay just as plugged into the goings on in their lives as I was when I lived near them. Or I just say “I’m lonely, make me feel better like you’re supposed to. I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND.” And they comply. Sometimes I go to a movie by myself. Which sounds like a lonely thing to do, but I like it. It reminds me that my own company is pretty good company.And sometimes I eat Haagen-Dazs Caramel Cone or Ben & Jerry’s Creme Brulee. Because they are good company, too.We’re lucky girls, we who have people to miss.

  5. I don’t try to cheer myself up. Sometimes I think when I feel down it’s my body’s way of telling me to sit with my thoughts and get inside my head a little bit. Then I watch horrible TV shows or literally lay in bed staring at the ceiling until I’m sick of myself. I then force myself to go for a walk, go to a coffee shop and read a book, or go to the bookstore and roam around for a couple of hours.My word, I sound crazy now that I’ve typed it out.Hope you’re feeling chipper again soon!

  6. Can you imagine us all living in the same hood? I think we’d all have constant stomach aches from all the laughing. That would be so nice : )

  7. Was there something going around this weekend? I had a slight case of the lonely blues this weekend too.On Saturday I spent the day with me. The library, lunch by myself, some window shopping, reading, grocery store and making a kick-butt-from-scratch dinner. I think it’s good to be lonely and miss your peeps every once and awhile. I especially miss my friend who moved to SC. She’s the one that we could just hang out. No pre-shopping for the event that didn’t include food and booze!

  8. For some reason, planning a trip always cheers me up, or at least gives me some objective to focus on. Woo! Rocking the hizzy! I have no idea what that means, but, woo!

  9. I hope the loneliness passes soon, LG! I usually just let myself be cranky until I get over it. (While trying not to inflict crankiness on other people.) It usually doesn’t take more than a good dinner, some trashy TV, and a good night’s sleep. Speaking of trashy TV, I have been trying to think of who Kim’s mom reminds me of for weeks. You have solved my problem! It it TOTALLY Cruella DeVille!

  10. Sorry to hear you’re feeling lonely but if it makes you feel any better, you turned your loneliness into a kick ass post. I cheer myself up by going for a run. Then I come home, run myself a hot bath, grab a good book and a glass of red wine and just soak for an hour. Pure bliss.

  11. I am a real believer in the power of a rip-roaring cry. Not one of these marathon cries, but the sprinting kind. Whoosh, weeping/ wailing, then moving on once my eyes become less red. It’s like throwing the negative emotion out of you somehow–like an evil spirit in days of yore (but no trepanning necessary.)

  12. Put my favourite cd on the stereo and dance around my living room like a loon. By the time I’ve jumped around and up and down and woo-hoo-ed a good few times I’m all smiles again. Why is it that long distance friends are usually the bestest? How does that work? It does puzzle me so

  13. i hear you on the loneliness, I usually try to get out of the house, take the dogs to the park, go for a walk, go to a coffee shop or bookstore. I hope the blues have passed by now.

  14. Aw.”I’m a glass half full kind of person, despite the fact that ‘glass half full’ is sort of an annoying expression.”Yeah, me, too. In fact, as I recently told someone else recently, I’m a not just a “glass half full” person, but an even more nauseating “oh, look, there’s still something in the glass even though it’s broken” person. I am also a “doesn’t the broken glass look pretty glinting in the sun; let’s write haikus about it” person.I am constantly astonished that people around me don’t carry barf bags.

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