Jeez you guys. Where the heck have you been? I keep waiting and waiting, and you haven’t shown up in like, DAYS.
See what I did there? I have been neglecting YOU, but yet I come in swinging. Accusing you. Making you feel all defensive. Good strategy, right? Deflect the guilt away from me. Except, because of my self-diagnosed condition of not being able to shut up, I have now ruined it by explaining all of that to you. Hmmm. Maybe you won’t notice if I just go right back into attack mode. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.
Shit, people. If you are not committed to this blog, then what is the point? There has to be ACTIVITY. Not days and days of silence. Silence will not make this blog relationship work. Don’t apologize. Just don’t let it happen again, ok?
Now that that is out of the way, I have a confession to make. I pulled a little bit of an April Fools on you during my last post. Never mind that it isn’t April. I’m just tricky that way. See, that photo of me and Desmond Tutu? TOTALLY FAKE. I have never met Desmond. The only one who called me out on this photo was Josh. Damn you, Josh, for seeing through my wiley ways and not falling for the joke. Now I can’t say “ha ha! Fooled everyone!” because I didn’t, technically, fool everyone. Damn that Josh and his wax-detecting skills. That Desmond Tutu is a wax Desmond Tutu. When I was 15 years old (and thank you all so much for not pointing out the awkwardness of that particularly gawky stage in my life, although I know you were all thinking it. Don’t even try and deny it), I went on a tour of England with a performing kids choir. (And by the way, as I type the words “performing kids choir” I visibly gag. Just a little). When in London, we went to the wax museum, where I took photos of me with notable wax. Desmond, Marilyn Monroe, the royal family, Charlie Chaplin, Marlon Brando, James Dean, Mozart…I have photos of me with all of them. The one of me and Desmond though, was the most realistic (and not just because he is one of the only ones who is still living). I put that photo on my fridge and for years, people would be so impressed with it. “WOW. You met Desmond Tutu????” And then I would say yes, and tell some ridiculous story (“I was a child ambassador who represented my country at a UN conference”) and watch people’s eyes bug out for a few minutes before I would say “PUNKED!” or some other such very mature thing. So me. Standing next to a lump of wax. Wax that has been shaped into a Tutu shape. Gotcha!
Here’s what’s happening with me. I am happy to report that I FINALLY, FINALLY had a rip-roaring birthday fandango celebration! So what if it was a week late? It was WELL WORTH IT. My friends Alli and Map blew into town for the weekend and we had a delicious birthday fest. The planets aligned for me. They really did. Here, I’ll prove it. You remember the photo of what the view looks like from my city for the bulk of the autumn? It looked like that as I drove to the airport to pick up my pals. As soon as they arrived though, and for the rest of the weekend, my city didn’t look like that. It looked like this.
Happy Birthday to MEEEEE.
The first night we were all together, we went out to eat and caught each other up on our lives. Oh, and then? I got to have this.
Happy Birthday to MEEEEE!
Oh, and the other thing we got to do? I took Alli to my favorite little design studio where she got to design her own purse. I didn’t buy anything, but being in the presence of fabrics and designy items was present enough. And Alli got two bags out of it!
In the evening, we all went back to my house and I busted out my binders (dirty!). I have binders of every single letter or note that I have ever received. If you have ever written me anything on a piece of paper, I assure you I still have it. We read out notes from old friends, boyfriends, you name it, and laughed until barfing was imminent. There were several moments where I had to get up and leave the room because the funny was hurting me so bad. For instance, here’s a note that was written to me by someone we still know and love. Someone who is a fine, upstanding, compassionate, loving friend. But in 8th grade? She was ANGRY.
“Fuck no! I hate her. At first I just disliked her but now…I mean, who is she to do ‘ums’ and ‘buts’ on Jeff? He’s my good friend and she acts like she can write down every time he takes a breath. Also, she knows i was doing ‘umms.’ It was my idea. She as good as stole it. One day, I’m gonna tell her off, I’ll say ‘Fuck you Susan! And if you cry, I’m beating the shit out of you. Don’t go home and tell your mommy, go home and wash your hair scum!'”
HOLY SMOKES. Angry, angry! And the thing is, this person never touched a hair on anyone’s head, nor ever got in fights, and was/is a sweet person. But trash talk in the 8th grade? Spewing it forth! Go home and wash your hair…scum???? Who SAYS that?
The next day, we went out for brunch and then, of all things to do, we decided to go to the Locks. The Locks is a point where the freshwater meets the saltwater and boats are raised or lowered so that they can pass from one body of water to the other. This was only peripherally the thing that Alli and Map wanted to see. The real attraction at the Locks is that there is a salmon run, where you can watch salmon swimming upstream in that crazy dash to spawn and die. Out of towners always want to see this. So that’s where we went. It was pretty, even though that type of circle of life thing can get me thinking all existential and about mortality and what’s it all mean and shit like that.
Then, we went to Archie McPhee and did super fun touristy things like by trinkets for loved ones (ok, I didn’t buy any trinkets, but I was vicariously doing so) and take photos like this.
Then we went downtown and toured the library, whiched totally wowed them, both because of the awesomeness of the library, but I think because of the complete unfathomable nature of the idea that I, the little girl who used to pop wheelies on my bike all over the neighborhood, now works in such a grown up profession, with like, responsibilities and stuff.
What they said out loud: WOW! You get to work in such a great library system, doing such interesting things!
What they said in their heads: WOW! This is the girl who used to dress like Bananarama!
We walked and ate and talked and laughed. Them girls are the funniest people on earth, for reals. I was sad to see them go home. Sad and a little mad. Yeah, that’s right. I was mad. They can go home and wash their hair for all I care. Scum.