I am so incredibly tempted to keep on qvetching about my lack of birthday fun and how I was sick and boo hoo and play the violins and please do cry for me Argentina, and all of that. I could totally still go there. But, I am a bigger person than that. My heart will go on, as that sage of Quebecois wisdom would say. Yes! My heart will go on! Turn on the wind machines and I will sing it while hitting myself on the brittle shard-like collar-bone that sticks out of my body! Or at least I will pretend about that collar bone thing. The point is. Me. Heart. Proceeding.
And in the spirit of THAT, I will celebrate myself, Walt Whitman style. (See how I can go straight from a Celine Dion reference right into a Walt Whitman reference without batting an eye? You love that about me, don’t you? If you don’t, you really should.) Not only will I celebrate myself, I shall celebrate the day I was born. Oh great day! You shall be marked by more than just an empty box of Kleenex and a VapoRub haze! The day is bigger than me!
Here’s some rockin’ things that rocked out in history on the day that rocks even when I am illin’. Word.
Weekly #4, The Birthday Week Edition
2003 Arnold becomes governor
Ok, so this one may not be the best way to start things, is what you’re probably saying to yourself. But just think of it! The Terminator became in charge of a WHOLE STATE. What universe are we living in? A wondrous one, with mysteries that will never be completely comprehended by the human brain. Just as we were expected to believe that Arnold and Danny Devito were twins, we were also expected to accept that Conan the Barbarian was the best choice on the ballot to make decisions for all of California. And it happened, on the day I was born.
1982 Cats debuted
Do you remember that? All alone in the moonlight? Come on. You know you have an inner Shimbleshanks in you somewhere. Or was it Skimbleshanks? Simple-Skanks? Sorry, my memory ain’t what it used to be. Or should I say, my meeeeh-mreeeee ain’t what it used to be. Touuuuuch meeeee, it’s so easy to leeeeeve meeeeee…. Wow. Looks like some parts of my memory are just fine.
1957 “American Bandstand” premieres
Is it just me or are only really cheezy things happening on my birthday? First Arnold, then Cats, now this? That’s ok though. My love of pop culture knows no bounds. Dick Clark and his weird non-aging self can share in my birthday. You know, Dick Clark should have signed a deal to be the spokesmodel for an anti-aging cream. I mean, I don’t care if he’s not Isabella Rossellini in the looks department, that guy was PRESERVED for so long. I would have bought Oil of Olay if I thought that was his secret. Ok, maybe I wouldn’t have, but a lot of people would. Dick. You shoulda done it. See what happens when people don’t consult me about things?
1955 Allen Ginsberg reads “Howl” for the first time at Six Gallery in San Francisco.
Lookee that. A non-cheezy one! Awesome. Instead of cheese, we have a hallucinatory poetic journey with lots of sexy bits in it. Plus, this was the book that Jess always had with him when he first showed up on the Gilmore Girls, so it’s just GOT to be good, right? (Ok, so I had to add a little cheese. Couldn’t help myself).
1959 Far side of Moon seen for first time, compliments of USSR’s Luna 3
“There is no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact it’s all dark.” See what I did there? I quoted. Fancy, huh?
1985 Lynette Woodward, chosen as first woman on the Harlem Globetrotters
But did she ever get to meet Scooby Doo, is what I want to know. Because wasn’t that the big perk about being in the Globetrotters?
1913 Moving assembly line at Ford began
This one I had to include, being that I am from Michigan and all and assembly lines are a big deal there. Plus, had it not been for Ford, we never would have seen LaVerne and Shirley put their gloves on the beer bottles and wave at them as they went by at Schott’s brewery. Thanks, Ford!
1931 – Desmond Tutu, South African archbishop and Nobel Laureate, is born.
And look at that! Two birthday fools partying out on the town! This was when I was 15 years old: