I won’t! I won’t shut up!

Ok, everyone in my life is hiding from me. Every person. Was it something I said? Did I talk about Scott Baio too much? Do I smell like something bad, like oh, I don’t know, what’s a bad smelling thing? Horsey sauce from Arby’s? Do I smell like that? Please, someone. Tell me. Because me, the lady who usually has to intentionally schedule time in my week to be alone, is hearing nothing but crickets right now, in terms of socialness. I am less a social butterfly these days and more a social three-toed sloth. Sloths are solitary animals, right? So the opposite of a social butterfly would be a sloth, right? See, I am so discombobulated about my tumbleweed-in-a-ghost-town calendar that I can’t even get my metaphors right. Sloths, horsey sauce. Bah. Do you ever have those times where you feel like you are the last person on earth? That’s what I felt like last night. Where the hell is everyone? They’re gone, busy, having loads of fun, I’m sure. And all without me.

So, what did I do with this evening of free time? I thought about doing a lot of things– things I would normally do with a free night. Should I go shoe shopping? Should I work on a painting? Should I read? Should I go to a movie or rent one? Go for a walk, perhaps? No. I did none of these. Instead, I did a good long stretch of something very, very important. I sulked. Yes I did! Poor, friendless Librarian Girl. And I texted Biology Girl while she sat in a laundromat two states away. That Bio-Girl. Always willing to lend an ear, even when I am sulky and texting nonsensical gibberish to her. God bless her. And also damn her for living so far away. Bless and damn her. All at once. Oh, and I did one more thing. I watched tivo-d episodes of Greek. A word of advice. This is not the show to watch when you’re feeling low, friends. Because the show? It’s stupid. And the only reason one would watch it is to reinforce to themselves that they have no friends and no life. And yeah, I watched three episodes in a row.

In other, non-sulky news, you know what phrase I like to say a lot? “Shut up!” I say this phrase multiple times on any given day. Not in a shushy way, despite my librarian cred. More like a Little Richard sort of way. You tell me something surprising and you can expect a can of shut-up juice from me to you. So I’m talking to my mom on the phone yesterday. My mom’s first language is English, but it’s not American English. And even though 35 years in this country has taught her to understand a lot of American English and slang and such, there are times when she doesn’t quite know what the correct response is. So, she’ll try and roll with it, and I love it when she does.

Her: So then, he called your brother and told him what’s going on!
Her: No, I won’t shut up. He called your brother!


Her: …and then your dad improved so much his physical therapy is only three times a week now!
Her: I won’t shut up. I won’t!

Isn’t that grand? “I won’t shut up! I won’t!” So sassy, my mom is.

Really, I say it a lot. Bio-Girl even made me a Christmas ornament to celebrate this fact. And what says “Happy Holidays” better than this? Nothing, that’s what.


  1. I think we need to come up with a phrase for blessing and damning someone at the same time. How about “Blessamn!” Or is that too hocus-pocus?And I totally forgot about that ornament! See how sentimental I am? I wish I was there to say “Shut up” in person, but I promise I am trying my darndest to move me and laundry back up north soon…

  2. so do you say “shut up” like that stacy london from TLC’s ‘what not to wear’? i do the sulky thing sometimes. most of the time i’m happy for the alone time to read, watch movies, eat, shop – whatever. enjoy my own company. but sometimes, you’re right – it seems like everyone is having fun without you and you just want to sulk. totally.

  3. It has been my experience that people are just sitting around, waiting for you to call and suggest a good movie or a strawberry marquerita at that patio restaurant you love. I’m always the one who calls. They are always the ones who are ready to go. That’s just the way it is. So, make that call, honey. Make that call.

  4. Oh, mrs. who. The pathetic thing was that I was calling my little heart out, to no answer. I am always the caller too. It just wasn’t in the cards for me last night!

  5. That ornament is the best. If I had a Bio Girl to make me cool ornaments, I’d…well, I don’t. So never mind and stop that silly sulking, you west coaster. (That’s some Old Yankee wisdom for you, for when you’re feeling low.)

  6. I have recently found myself being friends with people who are definitely of the social butterfly variety. Unfortunately, I am much more of the sloth variety. I prefer nights of solitude to nights of person-itude. So, I’ve taken to hiding from the social butterflies. Sometimes, a sloth just wants to be a sloth, ya know?

  7. Yes! I feel your pain! My social life sounds like your night last night. And Greek is a horrible show! I watched it when they previewed it on ABC a few Fridays ago. My relatives were coming to visit and I needed to hang pictures and clean my apartment so I put that on for something to watch. It did not make me feel better about cleaning–it was pretty damn depressing (who had college experiences like that? who thought that show would connect with anyone?)

  8. SHUT UP!Dude, I totally say that all the time. Makes the Prince irritable, well that and “NUh uh! Really?” because THEN he says “NO FUCK! I am totally making it up, GAWD *throws hands in air*” It’s fun.

  9. You know how you can get a song stuck in your head? I think I have “SHUT UP!” in my head now. Rob’s going to love this!! Hope your week is improving! Big Brother 8 is on tonight, perhaps that will be an improvement over Greek? 🙂

  10. But you know what? Just when you get used to being a sloth then your social life suddenly increases! It’s like the world is messing with you…don’t cha think?”shut-up” reminds me of that show What Not to Wear. The woman host always says that! Shut-UP!

  11. Oh how I have missed your blog. Silly baby thing taking all my free time.I totally say “Shut UP!” In fact, I, apparently, say it enough that one of my parents’ friends asked me to teach her the inflection. That and “dur” as in “No dur.” For I am ten.

  12. I know how that feels. It’s almost as if your entire group mutually agrees to keep you out of the loop for a few days or sometimes up to a week. Those punks.

  13. Now that’s a great ornament!I don’t know who invented this ‘librarians are quiet’ nonsense. To those who keep trying to perpetuate the stereotype, I say: You come to any of the libraries I’ve ever worked, and you’ll find out that us librarian types are talking and not shushing.Oh, wait. Maybe that’s not all librarians. Maybe that’s why I’m stuck staring at a computer screen in the cataloging basement!

  14. I personally think that the opposite of social butterfly is social slug – but that’s just me. I like the “shut up” dialogues, which, my mother having brought up in a proper english home with desperate asperations at upper middle class still will not tolerate phrases like “Shut up!” or even “Oh my God!” (“I will not be talked to that way!”) – while your mom sounds sort of cool and funny.

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