Ok, everyone in my life is hiding from me. Every person. Was it something I said? Did I talk about Scott Baio too much? Do I smell like something bad, like oh, I don’t know, what’s a bad smelling thing? Horsey sauce from Arby’s? Do I smell like that? Please, someone. Tell me. Because me, the lady who usually has to intentionally schedule time in my week to be alone, is hearing nothing but crickets right now, in terms of socialness. I am less a social butterfly these days and more a social three-toed sloth. Sloths are solitary animals, right? So the opposite of a social butterfly would be a sloth, right? See, I am so discombobulated about my tumbleweed-in-a-ghost-town calendar that I can’t even get my metaphors right. Sloths, horsey sauce. Bah. Do you ever have those times where you feel like you are the last person on earth? That’s what I felt like last night. Where the hell is everyone? They’re gone, busy, having loads of fun, I’m sure. And all without me.
So, what did I do with this evening of free time? I thought about doing a lot of things– things I would normally do with a free night. Should I go shoe shopping? Should I work on a painting? Should I read? Should I go to a movie or rent one? Go for a walk, perhaps? No. I did none of these. Instead, I did a good long stretch of something very, very important. I sulked. Yes I did! Poor, friendless Librarian Girl. And I texted Biology Girl while she sat in a laundromat two states away. That Bio-Girl. Always willing to lend an ear, even when I am sulky and texting nonsensical gibberish to her. God bless her. And also damn her for living so far away. Bless and damn her. All at once. Oh, and I did one more thing. I watched tivo-d episodes of Greek. A word of advice. This is not the show to watch when you’re feeling low, friends. Because the show? It’s stupid. And the only reason one would watch it is to reinforce to themselves that they have no friends and no life. And yeah, I watched three episodes in a row.
In other, non-sulky news, you know what phrase I like to say a lot? “Shut up!” I say this phrase multiple times on any given day. Not in a shushy way, despite my librarian cred. More like a Little Richard sort of way. You tell me something surprising and you can expect a can of shut-up juice from me to you. So I’m talking to my mom on the phone yesterday. My mom’s first language is English, but it’s not American English. And even though 35 years in this country has taught her to understand a lot of American English and slang and such, there are times when she doesn’t quite know what the correct response is. So, she’ll try and roll with it, and I love it when she does.
Her: So then, he called your brother and told him what’s going on!
Me: SHUT UP!
Her: No, I won’t shut up. He called your brother!
Her: …and then your dad improved so much his physical therapy is only three times a week now!
Me: SHUT UP!
Her: I won’t shut up. I won’t!
Isn’t that grand? “I won’t shut up! I won’t!” So sassy, my mom is.