Cough-y Talk

Far be it from me to say something unladylike (hey! I saw that eye-roll!), but can I just say that being sick sucks ass-water? I can’t? How about hot dog water? Yes? Ok. BEING SICK SUCKS HOT DOG WATER.

I know, I know. Having a little cough is not the end of the world. Trust me, with the drama surrounding my dad’s health, I am quite aware that this is small potatoes compared to lots of other things. Small potatoes? Is that right? Or is it small peanuts? What is that saying? Whatevs. Small twinkies, small matzo balls. It’s not a big deal, is my point. But still, I’m feeling whiny. Whiny and coughy.

I am just about all better, but what kind of mutant virus is this that is sticking to my lungs for two whole weeks? It is so aggravating, people. I am SO OVER IT. It’s cramping my style. Everything nice makes me cough more. Eating makes me cough, exercising makes me cough, talking makes me cough, and making out is totally out of the question. The only thing that seems to calm it down is sitting. very. still. That and popping Riccola like they are Scooby snacks. And really, what is the point of popping Riccola if you can’t yell out “Reeeeee-colaahhhhh!” every time you do so? And I can’t do that because it makes me double over with the hacking. And the hacking? It’s ruining my rep as the foxy mucus-free lady that I have been carefully cultivating for the past few years.

At least, for a couple of days there, I had my new husky voice to make me feel better. I am choosing to think of it as a sexy Kathleen Turner thing, rather than a wait-a-minute-are-you-a-dude thing. But now even that is wearing off and I am just me, with coughing, and without talking and make out privileges. And WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT TALKING AND MAKE OUT PRIVILEGES?

I can see why Katie Couric beat up that guy for using the word “sputum.” Maybe she had the same virus I have. At this point in the game, someone saying sputum would put me over the edge too.

Anyone have any miracle cures for lingering coughs? Send them my way. I have much talking and making out to catch up on.

Kiss the rings, I’m out.
Librarian Girl

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9 comments

  1. Sadly, I have no cures. But I do love it when ladies who are sick get that sexy, husky voice thing going on. Of course, that’s probably just because it does make them sound more like a man. Oh well. Hope you get feeling better soon!

  2. This sounds like what I had a few months ago. Seemed like it would NEVER go away. Hot Brazilian had me drink a mixture of boiled lemon, garlic and water with honey. Tasted pretty bad but it seemed to help.

  3. Sometimes a lingering cough is a result of the irritation to the throat from post nasal drip. If that is the case, a decongestant would help. I’m telling you that as a blogger, not a nurse. I just read what I wrote and it sounds so serious!

  4. I’m going to hop on the hot water, lemon and honey bandwagon – it really does help and I drink it like tea when I’ve got a sad throat.Also, and I hated HATED hearing this growing up (parents were nurses), but I do it now, and it works — get hot, hot water (as hot as you can stand) and add as much salt as the water will dissolve, then gargle a few times, without swallowing. This tastes worse than ass and/or hot dog water, but it gets all of the gunk off of your throat surface and helps numb it up a bit, making it less likely to get all tickly.

  5. I would agree with working girl–although at this point, you’ve probably recovered. I totally feel your pain on the constant coughing. You sound so much worse than you feel and people always look at you like you’re kind of gross. Bleech. Hope you’re feeling better!

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