Seymour And His Cozy Roomies

How’s this for random? For the past two days, I cannot, for the life of me, get the song “Rumors” out of my head. Not the Lindsay Lohan Rumors. The one from the 80s. How do rumors get STARted, they’re started by the jealous PEOple and! AHHHHH. Make it stop! Please, someone. Make it stop. I don’t know why this is happening. There are no rumors in my world right now. I am wholly unconcerned about the concept of rumors. I don’t even think I’ve heard the song recently. Yet, I can’t stop thinking about it, all of it, including the line about that guy who tasted Tina’s juice. SO. WRONG.

I got a nice email from my freshman-year-in-college roommate today. I haven’t seen or talked to her in YEARS, but through the magic of social networking, we’re back in touch. My roomie, she was fabulous. The summer before my freshman year, my college sent me a little questionnaire in order to (supposedly) help them match me up with the perfect compliment to my weirdo personality. I remember I wrote down lots of things about how I was an extrovert (which I was at the time), how I was a night owl (again, I was at the time), and how I liked to, in the immortal words of Eddie Murphy, party all the tah-hime. And you know what? They took that questionnaire and flushed it down the toilet because what ended up happening is that my roomie had a few things in total opposition to me, such as being a calm, rational, mature 18 year old who knew enough to not be a pain in the ass to all she met.

But you know what? There must have been some good juju in the roommate match-up process, because it turns out that she was the perfect roommate for me. She had a penchant for silliness that cracked my shit up and we ended up doing all the stereotypical roomie things that roommates of that age do. We giggled profusely, we obsessed about boys, we ordered and consumed acres of pizza, we danced around the room singing into our hairbrushes, we had reams of inside jokes, and we talked and talked and talked. I certainly seemed like the crazier of the two, but let me tell you something I have learned over the course of my many moons on this earth: the quiet ones can always come over to the dark side. This situation was no different.

First of all, we got into this idea that all of our possessions should have a “cozy.” A cozy is some sort of decorative covering that envelops an inanimate object. You know, like a tea cozy? So, we had a cozy for our computers (cloth covers that were all matchy matchy with our dorm room decor) and a printer-cozy for our printer. Our blankets were not our blankets, they were our cozies. Then, we took the cozy idea a step further- we started putting decorative contact paper on everything. I don’t know where the hell this idea came from, but we thought it was the greatest, funniest idea ever. We contact-papered our dresser drawers, our notebooks, even our phone.

Stop looking at the 90s fashions and scrunchie in my hair and look at the contact-papered phone, please.

The fall of our freshman year, my roomie’s mom sent her a care package for Halloween. In this package was one of those paper skeletons that are for putting up in a window or something. You know, the kind where the joints of the skeleton are hinged so you can pose it and stick it up somewhere. This particular skeleton was labeled “Seymour Bones.” We put Seymour up on our wall and there he stayed for the month of October. After Halloween, my roomie and I decided that we had grown quite fond of Seymour and couldn’t bear to take him down. From then on, Seymour became our room’s mascot. Each month we got crafty and decorated him. In November, he was a pilgrim. Well, I guess he would have been a dead pilgrim. In December, we hung christmas tree ornaments on him like a morbid tree. Seymour was quite the conversation piece for the scads of homies we constantly had in our room.

These are the things over which she and I bonded. Seymour, cozies, and gales and gales of giggling. So thanks, social network site, for giving us the venue to have a Peaches and Herb style reconnection. We both get so excited ’cause we’re, re yoo nited, hey hey…I’m a man who thinks not a man who drinks so please let me live my life! Oh geez. Now it’s a Peaches and Herb and Timex Social Club duel to the death. Rumors and Reunited, the mashup. Yikes.


  1. My roomie my freshman year in college also appeared to be my total opposite…until I got to know her. I used to think we got matched up because we have the same first name, but now I totally believe that the roommate gods knew what they were doing!

  2. OMG, dude, the Bibliophile and I did the same thing! We had a glow-in-the-dark plastic skeleton from the dollar store with light-up eyes, and we dressed him up for every holiday.Soul sista!

  3. There must be something about Skeletons. My sister’s bday is by Halloween, so my dad bought her a foot-tall dancing Skeleton that sings “Super Freak.” Then he started sending her outfits for it for the different Holidays. Her roommates eventually came to love Skeletor, and he now has many many outfits. Most recently, my sister and Skeletor conspired to put together a photo shoot, and gave my dad a calendar with Skeletor in a different themed outfit each month. My personal fave is the bikini he has for summer beach days.

  4. dude, seymour was totally the collegiate version of those geese statues people dress up to guard their front doors. the roommate gods smiled upon me too; it only took one semester before i got pp to the dark side.

  5. My college roomie and I used to do summersaults off of our beds and then the Cha-Cha Slide while sipping from our smuggled bottles of Boones Farm.

  6. I’ve had “Come Sail Away” by Styxx stuck in my head for about a week. I couldn’t tell you the last time I heard that song, but I woke up the other day and there it was. I wish it would go back to where it came from. Pronto.

  7. That is such a cute story. And I can’t stop looking at the schrunchie. I LOVED schrunchies back in the day. I had them in like every color. 🙂

  8. I wish my upbringing had rendered me as much fun as you were in college! Ah, well; I am making up for lost time, now.You were cute, 90’s fashion and all. And what is wrong with scrunchies?????

  9. Aww, you were so cute! Very collegiate chic! I’m so glad you had such a good randomly matched up roommate experience. It’s always shocking to me that it’s possible for two strangers randomly assigned would get along so well.

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